


Diversions and Entanglements of Life

by Imandra_Pipkin



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), malec - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Emotional Roller Coaster, Homophobic Language, I will not add more tags so as not to reveal too much of the story., M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-11-13 20:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18038588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imandra_Pipkin/pseuds/Imandra_Pipkin
Summary: For the past four years, Magnus has tried to live his life as a celebrity, to find some joy or fulfillment. He doesn't think he succeeded. Not since his Alexander left him.He walks awayThe sun goes downHe takes the day, but I am grownAnd in your wayMy deep shadeMy tears dry on their ownTears Dry on Their Own  -  Amy Winehouse





	1. Tears Dry on Their Own

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Deutsch available: [Irrungen und Wirrungen des Lebens](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19216438) by [Imandra_Pipkin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imandra_Pipkin/pseuds/Imandra_Pipkin)



 

Magnus opened his presents. Another year had passed. He sat in his penthouse with his friends and celebrated his birthday. This day hasn't been a good day for him for quite some time. For four years, to be exactly. All his friends who were with him now knew that. Magnus was glad and grateful that all his friends were with him that day. He needed them. He couldn't say that he was unhappy, not anymore, but he wasn't happy either.  
Well, it got easier with the years. Maybe, in a year or two, he would celebrate his birthday and not think about it. At some point, he would look back on those four years and only think of how far he has come professionally, how hard he had to fight in the last few months for every inch of his freedom, and not how much he had failed in his personal life.  
He had made a ridiculous amount of money over the four years. But at what price? He was alone. No, not alone, but lonely. He still was waiting for the day he would stop simply existing and start living again. He was trapped, not master of his own actions. He wasn't the master of his emotions, either, since... Well, not in a long time. For a damn long four years.

Sometimes he wondered if that was all worth it. Whether he preferred to be poor and unknown but happy. He will never know, because this decision was taken from him, four years ago. When he was left, without an explanation, from one day to the other. Still happy today, young and so in love, full of hopes for the common future they always had dreamed of. And then, all of a sudden, alone. Heartbroken, deeply desperate, full of questions, worries and doubts, with no prospect of salvation.  
But he had survived. The breakup, the lonely nights of tears and despair. Hardened in the meantime, perhaps even bitter, may be.  
But that was what reality made with someone who had dreamed a long time, who was allowed to fly so high because the love of his life was always present.  
Until he was not.  
And that was the beginning of his misery. Not only did he have to cope with the breakup but also with the changed terms of a contract that promised him the fulfillment of his career dreams when he signed it. He signed the contract with a scrawled handwriting that was untypical for him, for he was so excited. But his Alexander had hold his trembling left hand all the time.  
They had been so young and stupid, back then, but so full of dreams and hopes. Now he had nothing left.

At that time, Valentine Morgenstern was the only one who had offered him a record deal after everyone else had turned him down. He wasn't very enthusiastic about Magnus' bisexuality, but in the end it didn't matter to him as long as Magnus brought him money. But then Valentine had to give up the leadership of the company for health reasons. He suffered two heart attacks in quick succession and it was very unlikely that he would survive a third. And that changed everything in the formerly LGBT-liberal record label, which then got openly shown homophobic CEOs in the board room. Who pulled the strings in the background and manipulated the CEOs in the desired direction, was revealed to him later. He was surprised when he learned that his ex-girlfriend Camille had also been working for the record company for some time, not as an artist but in management. He had not thought of anything, he was too busy realizing the fact that his Alexander had left him.

His Alexander, who was his best friend since elementary school, which was in high school there for him when he discovered his sexuality, which supported his coming out, who comforted him after each break up and assured him over and over again that the next one would be Mr. or Mrs. Right, he just shouldn't give up hope and lose his faith in love.  
Until he was the right one. Magnus had discovered that Camille was cheating on him, from the beginning, on every occasion. As always Alec was his first port of call. He was so thankful that Alec hugged him and didn't say he had warned him, that he had told him she wasn't good for him. Alec held him tightly in his arms, his face pressed to his chest, he stroked Magnus' cheekbones with his thumb until his sobs became less and his breathing normalized. Alec put a finger under his chin and raised his head to look him in the eye. After that, Magnus could only remember Alec's incredibly soft lips. Neither of them knew who kissed whom. The consoling kiss changed into something else that had both surprised and completely blown away. Nobody had expected to be overwhelmed by their feelings. They agreed to take it slow. Alec was completely unexperienced, everything was new to him and he wasn't ready to go all the way.  
Camille was furious when she found out that Magnus had 'replaced her so quickly with another lover'. Realizing that Magnus would go to the homecoming ball with Alec in a few days and not with her, she spread rumors that Magnus would cheat on her with Alec, because she would never have ended the relationship. Both hadn't taken her threats seriously, that she would make sure, that one day Magnus would regret it having dropped her for no reason.  
Camille made Magnus' music career a personal nightmare. She not only slept with Jonathan Morgenstern to get her way, but also secretly with his half-brother and company partner, Sebastian Verlac, to make sure she got everything she wanted.  
Magnus was successful, extremely successful even, but not free in his decisions, not as far as his songs were concerned. He wasn't allowed to write his own lyrics or music, he had to leave the choreography to others, his image was as contrary to his personality as possible.  
At the beginning he lacked the strength to fight against it. One day he missed Alec so incredibly that it hurt, the other day he cursed him and the kiss that started it all.  
The change, or the undesirable direction in which his career was going, was a creeping process. Magnus was new to the industry and totally inexperienced.  
Alec and he had finished college, his life was about to begin, he was happier than ever in his life. They wanted to meet their friends and Alec's siblings at Pandemonium to celebrate his birthday, but Alec never showed up there.

At some point Magnus was worried sick. Alec's mobile was off, calls went straight to the mailbox, he couldn't reach him. He already wanted to call each hospital to ask if Alec had an accident when Izzy exclaimed with relief that she had received a text message from Alec. The relief didn't last long. Alec wrote that he was in L.A., he would have found a job and would start a new life there. They shouldn't worry, he would call again.  
Magnus looked at his own cell phone in disbelief, no text from Alec, no missed call. Whenever he looked at his phone for the next four years, that had never changed. Sometimes he could barely pick up his cell phone without the desire to hear from Alec was gnawing at him and hurt so badly that he had to put the phone away. At some point it didn't hurt anymore.

He looked around, watching his friends who had all come to be with him today. Catarina, Ragnor, Raphael, Dot, of course. But also, or still, Izzy and Simon, Jace and Clary. All gifts were on the sideboard. They didn't put any name tags on the packages, so he never knew who had given him which present. But each time there was one parcel too many, for his birthday as for Christmas. His gaze wandered to the beautiful bouquet of flowers that stood on the sideboard, too. He got them regularly, for his birthday, for Christmas, for every important event in his life, nominations, when he won an award...  
He had asked his friends, none of them sent these flowers to him. He was told not to investigate, that he should enjoy this little attention without further questioning it. Three years ago, he briefly panicked that he had a stalker, but the flower delivery started when he was still unknown. His friends were always there to reassure him.  
The very first Christmas without Alec, was the worst. It was only a few weeks after that said birthday. When the first bouquet arrived, he was convinced it was from Alec asking for forgiveness in this way. But nothing else happened. No text message, no phone call, no surprise visit at Christmas. New Year's eve came and he was devastated. He had drunk more than it did him well. He avoided thinking about that night. About what could have happened if Cat and Ragnor hadn't ignored his request to leave him alone that night, but instead had unexpectedly stopped by.  
As the bouquets had never been delivered with a card and he had heard nothing from Alec, he eventually gave up hope that the flowers were from him. Who would send flowers with such regularity for four years? Four silent years...  
But now he had a reason to celebrate. He was finally released from the contract, which, thank God, was limited to four years. He had earned enough money to start his own small label and to produce his own music. One day he would even earn money with it, but at the moment it was more important to him to support young artists, be it in music, art, editing. Everything worked together.  
Izzy interrupted his thoughts by gently klicking her glass against his champagne flute. "Time for the presents!"  
"Yes, my dear, I think it is."  
He got up and picked up the used dishes that Clary had already stacked. Together, they cleared the table and filled the dishwasher.  
Clary directed Magnus into his favorite armchair and brought him one of his presents. Magnus smiled. Clary was usually a lot more excited about the gifts than he was. Magnus had never figured out if Clary always was so jittery about the presents alone, or because only after that the dessert was served.  
The gifts he received were all always fitting and appropriate. But one of them was particularly outstanding, each time, to the extent that he wondered who of his friends knew him so well, who was so very attentive. The care with which these gifts were selected and the accuracy with which it found his extraordinary taste and his full approval, surprised him again and again. Someone had obviously thought deeply about him because he had never really expressed his wishes. He once mentioned in an interview in a music show how difficult it was to get a certain record of a long-dead artist. For his next birthday, he held exactly this record in his hand.  
One of his Instagram stories showed him in an art gallery, which he had enjoyed very much, but because of his upcoming tour he unfortunately had too little time to deal with it in more detail. At Christmas he got a beautiful illustrated book about modern art.  
Right now he pressed two tickets to the Metropolitan Opera to his chest for the farewell concert of a tenor whom he had valued for years. He almost had tears in his eyes, he was so touched.

Ragnor cleared his throat. "Well, you're welcome to stay here now, but I'd like to finally eat my dessert."  
He got up and went into the kitchen, Catarina and Raphael followed him.  
Magnus got up, too, put his gifts back on the sideboard and picked up the wrapping paper and ribbons. He needed a moment to gather.  
Loudly chattering, Catarina and Ragnor came back from the kitchen. They handed some dishes to Jace and Clary with which they set the table, and went back into the kitchen.  
They helped Raphael to bring the dessert and a pot of coffee into the living room. The conversation centered on irrelevant subjects after Raphael was praised extensively for the warm chocolate souffle with the sinful, fluid core. He had read somewhere that there was no problem that chocolate couldn't solve. He doubted that. But perhaps the melting delicacy might trick him into thinking that the emptiness in his heart wasn't feeling so infinite anymore.

~o~o~o~

Magnus opened the door and let Izzy in. He was surprised at her unexpected call and worried because she insisted on a personal conversation and didn't want to talk to him on the phone.

"Izzy, come in. Please, sit down. What can I offer you?" Magnus pointed to the sofa. "You sounded so unusually serious on the phone. Did anything happen?"  
Izzy sat down on the sofa, Magnus made himself comfortable in the armchair opposite of her.  
"No, nothing happened ... Though ... Yes, somehow." Izzy tugged at the hem of her dress.  
"What's wrong Isabel?" Magnus crossed his legs.  
"You know, in two days is Christmas."  
"I am well aware of the fact and you are our host this year." Magnus nodded.  
"Alright, how do I tell you now?" she muttered.  
"Just say it, Izzy. What should I do? What should I bring for you? Wine, Dessert? Although Raphael probably won't talk to me until New Year, since he assumes that the dessert is all his job."  
Izzy took a deep breath and looked Magnus straight in the eye. "Alec is back. Yesterday he was suddenly standing at our doorstep. Can you hear me? He's back. He lives with Simon and me right now, until he has found his own apartment."  
Magnus was petrified. His thoughts raced, though his brain felt like it has been swept empty.  
"Did you hear what I said?" Izzy leaned forward in her seat. "Magnus, did you hear what I said? Alec's back. He's going to be with us at Christmas. I wanted you to know that."  
Magnus heard Izzy's voice as if from a far distance, as if he were just below the surface of the water. Slowly he got up from his armchair.  
"Thank you for telling me, I appreciate it."  
Izzy straightened up. "We can understand, if you would rather not come to us now."  
"Nonsense! Of course it stays that I come at Christmas." Bolt upright, Magnus passed Izzy.  
"But for now excuse me. I'm very busy at the moment, writing songs and stuff. You'll find the way out, I suppose."  
Magnus left Izzy in his living room, knowing she would go home, not forcing him to talk. At least not now.

Alec is back.  
Alec is back.  
Alec is back.

Magnus didn't pay attention to anything except this one sentence, that captured all of its consciousness in an infinite loop.  
Why do you love someone you hate? He had often asked that question to himself, but never the other way around.  
Did he still love him? No! Of course not. He moved on.  
And that's why he would of course attend to Izzy's Christmas party. Why not? He was over him. For years! They were done with each other. He was nothing more than one of his many ex-boyfriends. Nothing more! His feelings for him had changed fundamentally. Now he felt only rage and anger, disappointment and incomprehension about Alec's behavior at the time. He would have no trouble meeting Alec and ignoring him as he had ignored him for four years. Not at all! He was prepared, he was ready.  
Until he was not.  
Alec's sight took his breath away. He felt as if he had run head-on in front of a bus. His body stopped functioning, his breathing, his heartbeat, his blinking, everything.  
He was a man now.  
He hadn't been a boy before, but he had always been rather juvenile, even in his early 20s. This playfulness, his innocence, which he had loved so much, had given way to a seriousness he didn't know about Alec.  
If he was once handsome, now he was gorgeous. The tan looked good on him. One of the advantages of living in L.A.

Alec stopped dead in his tracks as he noticed Magnus in Izzy's hallway, "Magnus..." he whispered.  
Magnus tried to control his emotions. And was there a better way than hurting the other person to protect your own feelings?  
"So you're back again? Who did you leave this time when you left?"  
The plan worked perfectly, measured by Alec's hurt expression.  
"No one. I haven't been in any relationship since I have left." The 'you' floated between them unsaid.  
Magnus snorted in disbelief. Still, he searched Alec's face. The sudden realization that Alec had told the truth shocked him, astonished him equally.  
Alec tried to catch Magnus's eyes. "I've had a few dates, some hook ups. Nothing seriously."  
"You're not the type for hook ups."  
Alec sighed. "No, I'm not."  
Magnus thought of his own failed relationships that he had in the meantime, after Alec's breakup. Relationships he'd undoubtedly plunged into, thoughtlessly, hoping to replace Alec, hoping to forget Alec. It was unfair, he knew that. Unfair to his partners, unfair towards himself. Unfair even to Alec, as it suddenly became obvious to him. The realization of that fact hit him like a fist in his already queasy stomach. He suddenly realized that things might have been different, that they had always been different than they seemed incessantly. Because obviously he wasn't the only one who had received deep, indelible marks after the breakup. He had never even thought about how Alec was doing. He had always seen only his own sorrow.  
Magnus was so absorbed in his thoughts, it took a moment for him to conceive, that Alec was already talking.  
"Every time it was less a 'want to', more a 'must have'. Once every four or five months. Only when I could no longer avoid listening to what my body required from me, when my needs became too strong for me, too forcefully demanding their rights."  
Alec had always been a very active and resourceful lover, almost as if he had to catch up a lot, or wanted to create a tie in their experiences. Four to five times a week was more common for him than every four or five months.  
Magnus' thoughts raced. The blood rushed and pulsating in his ears, he was breathing much too shallow.  
Alec took a step toward Magnus. "Because nothing compares to you. Just because I left then doesn't mean that I have stopped loving you with every fiber of my heart. I could never stop loving you, I'm not capable of that."  
Timidly, his hand reached out to Magnus.  
Magnus took a step back. Then another. "No! I can't do that now. I..."  
He turned around. To flee was the only thing he was able to do, the only thing on his mind. Either he ran, or he collapsed. For four years he had pretended to himself that he no longer felt anything for Alec. That was so far from the truth. He had to leave here! Now! Just get away and out of here.  
It didn't occur to him that he should apologize to Izzy for leaving so suddenly or, better, escaping. He couldn't think clearly. But with Izzy that was really not necessary at all. Izzy would have understood. Izzy wouldn't judge. Even if it was about her brother, she would never blame him for not staying for dinner.

Izzy came out of the kitchen when Magnus reached the door and left the apartment without turning around. "Follow him, talk to him."  
Alec looked at his sister sadly. "He needs time. I have dumped him in the worst way possible. I can't expect anything from him. Not even that he listens to me. Albeit I can now tell him why."  
Izzy pulled her brother into the kitchen. She didn't want to talk to him in the middle of the hall, where one of their friends might show up at any moment. She didn't want anyone to see the tears in his eyes.  
"That didn't work the way you intended, did it?"  
"That is relatable. I don't know how I would have reacted in his place." Alec took the handkerchief that Izzy handed to him and blew his nose.  
"You never said why you left, no matter how many times we asked you. Alec, what happened then?"  
Alec wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I couldn't talk to anyone about it then. I wasn't allowed to. But that doesn't matter right now. Magnus deserves to be the first person I talk to about it. Sorry, Izzy! I'll tell you everything as soon as Magnus listens to me and allows me to tell him the truth."  
Izzy hugged her brother tightly. "I can wait. I've waited four years for my brother to come back and I can wait even longer."  
Alec kissed Izzy's forehead. "Thank you, Izzy. But I'm not sure if Magnus will ever be willing to talk to me again. I fucked it up thoroughly."  
Izzy hugged Alec once more. "Will you come with me into the living room to the others? The food is ready."  
Alec broke away from Izzy's arms. "Yes, soon. Please give me another minute."  
Izzy nodded and filled the food and side dishes into bowls. Alec took the turkey out of the oven, carved it and put the meat on a serving platter. Silently, they worked hand in hand. Growing up in a traditional home, this was the eldest son and only daughter usual Christmas and Thanksgiving duty for a long time. This routine gave Alec enough opportunity to gather his emotions. He was glad that Izzy was shooing Simon out of the kitchen, who offered his help. Instead, she carried the bowls herself into the living room. Alec tried to enjoy the food and the company. He assumed that Izzy had informed their friends when he was alone in the kitchen, that Magnus was there for a short while and left because no one commented, which made him very grateful. Relatively early, he said goodbye to go to his room. He didn't feel like celebrating. Hours later, when the guests were on their way home, Izzy left Simon to tidy up and knock softly on Alec's door.  
"Come in. I'm not sleeping."  
Izzy entered the guest room, put a cup of tea on the bedside table, and sat down on the bed next to Alec.  
"What are you doing?"  
Alec held out his cell phone. He had opened a photo gallery app full of pictures of Magnus or of him and Magnus. Proofs of happy times.  
"Do you think that makes sense. Don't you torture yourself with it?"  
"It hurts either way, then I can also look at photos of precious memories. I can't sleep anyway."  
"Drink the tea, maybe it will help." Izzy sweeped a strand of hair from Alec's eyes and kissed his forehead. "If you want, I'll check on Magnus tomorrow. See if he's okay."  
"Thank you, Izzy!"  
Izzy got up and walked to the door. "Try to sleep, see you tomorrow."  
Alec looked at her, nodded and picked up his cell phone.

~o~o~o~

Magnus opened the door to his loft and unexpectedly faced Izzy again. Last time her news wasn't necessarily intoxicating. He didn't think it would be any better this time.  
"Good morning, Magnus."  
Magnus stepped aside to let Izzy enter. "Whether the morning can still be good will soon be revealed," he muttered.  
Izzy held up a bag. "I brought you leftovers from yesterday's dinner."

"Beware of friends who bring gifts." He wasn't sure he could ever eat a bite again. Nevertheless, he politely accepted the container.  
Izzy followed Magnus into the kitchen, where he put the leftovers in the fridge.  
"You look terrible." Izzy studied Magnus's desolate appearance, his tired face, his eyes red.  
"Oh, thank you, dearest Isabel. Your compliments have been much more flattering before."  
"Magnus, I'm sorry ..."  
"Izzy, don't..." Magnus interrupted her directly. He looked at Izzy and sighed. "You don't have to apologize for anything, none of this is your fault. And right now I'm at a point where I think your brother doesn't have to apologize to me."  
Izzy frowned at the phrase 'your brother' instead of his name.  
"Magnus, please listen to what he has to say. You are our friend and we love you, but he is our brother. We have also missed him. Every day!"  
"Izzy, what am I supposed to answer? What do you expect from me?" Magnus' eyes turned to the ceiling. He ran his hands through his hair, which had already been a completely mess.  
"I expect nothing, and Alec doesn't as well. But I would be very glad if you could give him the opportunity to listen to him, to believe him that he has never stopped loving you."  
"Did he tell you that?" Magnus's head shot in Izzy's direction.  
"No, I heard what he said to you yesterday. I was in the kitchen. But he didn't have to tell me, because I've known that for four years."  
Magnus rolled his eyes. "Surely, what surprising news." He leaned against the fridge and crossed his arms in a dismissive posture.  
"Alec has been talking to us on the phone almost every week for the past four years, with me, Jace or Max."  
Izzy saw the pain in Magnus' face, the realization of the betrayal, the abuse of trust.  
"Magnus, we had to faithfully pledge to him not to tell you. We didn't have his phone number, he always called us, not us him. He suppressed his phone number each time."  
Izzy implored him for understanding. She spoke on quickly, before Magnus could take away her opportunity to continue speaking, to explain a little more.  
"He always asked for you. Magnus, you should have heard the hope in his voice, the joy when we had something pleasant to tell him. Or the dejection and sadness he tried to hide when we told him you were dating someone. Then he normally ended the conversation quickly, but we all realized how much it affected him. I'm sure on one occasion or another he cried. After that he usually didn't call for a few weeks."  
Magnus, looked at her incredulously.  
"You don't believe me? What do you think who gave you the flowers and gifts for your birthday and Christmas? He never asked once what he could give you, what you want. He sent Jace a package from L.A. that we should give you without saying that it was from him. Alec has a folder of all articles about you, all interviews. I saw it when he unpacked his holdall. He followed your career. He was always well informed about you."  
Magnus lowered his head, studied the floor he was standing on, his jaw muscles working visibly. "I think I want to be alone now. Please excuse me, Isabel. There is a lot I have to consider."  
"Of course. I can understand that." Izzy turned to the kitchen door. Magnus accompanied her to the front door of his loft.  
She hugged Magnus goodbye. "Promise me, you keep contact."  
Magnus nodded.  
Izzy grabbed his upper arms and looked at him. "Promise me."  
Magnus returned her gaze and nodded. "Promised." Deep in thoughts, he closed the door behind Izzy.

~o~o~o~

Three endless days later, Izzy finally got the redeeming text message that Magnus was ready to listen to Alec.  
These 76 hours and 38 minutes were the absolute torture for Alec. But he deserved it, the uncertainty as to whether Magnus would ever talk to him again, the doubts as to whether Magnus could forgive him. The determination to fight for him, to fight for his love, had never faded.  
And should he decide not to talk to him again, Alec would do anything to spare Magnus the awkwardness that would accompany them if they were to meet in the future because they had the same friends. If necessary, he would move back to California. He didn't want Magnus, who grew up without a family, to give up Izzy, Jace, Clary or Simon to avoid encounters with him. Nor did he want to force his family to choose between him and Magnus.  
Alec knocked tentatively on Magnus's door. He didn't wait long for Magnus to open the door for him. Just long enough to wipe his sweaty hands at his pants.  
Magnus looked breathtaking. He definitely was dressed to impress, including the 'war paint', which made him look even more stunning and beautiful.  
Alec felt his heart beating in his throat with excitement.  
Magnus paused in the open door for a moment before stepping back and letting Alec enter. Magnus closed the door and turned to Alec, who had stopped in the middle of the room.  
Both looked at each other, no one knew how to begin, how to deal with each other. Both absorbed the sight of the other. They made comparisons, what has changed in the last four years, what remained the same.  
Alec was the first to find his voice again. Or maybe Magnus was just waiting for Alec to do that, which is why he had come here: to talk.

"Um, I was thinking about bringing you flowers, but then I thought that maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea."  
"That's an attentive gesture, but I still have a bunch of flowers." Magnus pointed to the sideboard in the living room. He really had a green thumb. "Thank you very much for that."  
"It was my pleasure, really."  
Magnus nodded as a sign that he appreciated Alec's answer.  
Alec looked around the living room. He had never been there before. He had lived with Magnus in the college dorm. After that, they had found a small apartment in Brooklyn, which they had furnished with little money and which Magnus had made comfortable and cozy with lots of love.  
"This is a beautiful place. You've always had a good taste."  
Magnus pointed to a armchair. "Please take a seat. You aren't here to compliment me or to exchange pleasantries."  
Alec sat down in the chair and looked at Magnus, who sat down opposite him on the couch and put on a blank expression.  
"You're right. I'm here because I owe you an explanation." Alec closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.  
"That morning, I got a call from your record company. A secretary asked for a visit to the office. She knew my cell phone number because I was listed as your emergency contact in your file." Alec found it easier to look at his folded hands as he spoke.  
"I hadn't thought of anything and went in. The secretary didn't lead me to the conference room where we sat during the negotiations and signing the contract, but to an office." Alec took a little break. He glanced at Magnus, who was watching him.  
"Can you imagine my surprise seeing Camille there on the top floor, in her elegant corner office with the fantastic view?"  
"Camille? I found out later that she works for Morgenstern, too. I had no idea she talked to you." Magnus frowned. "Continue." He began to suspect that it would not be a good story Alec had to tell him.  
Alec talked about the conversation with Camille. From her blackmail, she would ruin Magnus' career if he didn't break up with him immediately and disappear forever. Alec laughed at her first. But then Camille explained in great detail how she could systematically manipulate and destroy Magnus' career. She was absolutely believable. Her imposing office showed, that she was in the right position for it and that she had the necessary power to do so.  
She gave Alec examples of hopeful musicians who unbelievably ended up in professional nowhere, of those who didn't cope with the failure. Or maybe even worse, successful musicians who suddenly became discredited, unable to deal with the inevitable fall from the top to small, insignificant bars and therefore succumbed to alcohol and drugs.  
"I probably wouldn't have believed any of this if we hadn't experienced that in the hands of one of your colleagues. If we hadn't been to the funeral of the singer who had committed suicide a few weeks earlier, I would have gotten up and left. But she was so convincing. The thought that this might happen to you didn't let me go."  
"If Camille can do one thing very well, then it is manipulating people unnoticed." Magnus got up and poured himself a drink. Without a word, he handed Alec another glass before he sat back down on the couch.  
"Why did not you talk to me, why did not you call me or write a message?"  
"Because that was part of her plan. She made it a condition that I wouldn't contact you from that point on."  
Magnus tilted his head skeptically.  
"Magnus, she knew where you were! Even I didn't know what spa Izzy would invite you for your birthday before she picked you up. Camille had a fucking tracking app on her phone." Alec looked at Magnus imploringly. "She went so far as to suggest that something could happen to you at any time."  
Alec's hands trembled as he relived the conversation through storytelling. The ice cubes beat melodically against the glass. Alec quickly emptied his drink in one go to calm his nerves.  
"She promised me that you would have a brilliant career if I agreed to the deal. She kept me in her office until you all were at Pandemonium's. Even that she knew. Then someone escorted me home so I could pack a bag. I didn't even have the opportunity to secretly leave you a message."  
This debate was far from easy for both of them. Emotions were raw on both sides.

"She deliberately planned all this on your birthday. She knew that would hurt you twice."  
Alec laughed cheerless. "She couldn't have picked a better day, her timing was unprecedented."  
Magnus frowned. "Why? I don't understand."  
"Because I wanted to propose to you that evening. With a ring and all the other trimmings. It was your birthday. All our friends were there to celebrate in your favorite club. I thought it was the right moment. I thought it was perfect."  
"It would have been perfect," Magnus whispered. He made no secret of the fact that he carefully wiped under his eyes. His breath was a trembling sigh.  
The moment of weakness lasted only a moment. Anger showed in his eyes. "Then I understand it all the less. Why did you allow that, if you really wanted to marry me?"  
Alec put his empty glass on the coffee table, got up from the chair and sat down next to Magnus on the couch, who automatically put away his glass, too.  
"Just because I wanted to marry you, Magnus. I would have done anything to protect you. I actually did, and I would do the same over and over again to make sure no one hurts you."  
Alec put his hand on his heart. "Magnus, you've engraved your initials deep in each of my bones."

Magnus reached out and took one of Alec's hands in his. "But I wasn't the only one who had to suffer from it. By your sole action without my agreement, by your reckless self-sacrifice, you have also condemned yourself to unhappiness and suffering. Unnecessarily I might add."  
Alec ran his thumb over the back of Magnus' hand. "That didn't matter to me at that moment. All I could think about was you, your dream, your career. I knew I could sacrifice myself. I would handle it, someday. But I couldn't risk that anyone would take away from you everything that you worked so hard for, robbing you of your soul."

Magnus tightened his grip on Alec's hand. "Alexander, it was our dream."  
Alec's stomach suddenly slipped through the floor and came back up just as fast. He smiled as Magnus called him by his familiar name.  
"Four years, Magnus, I knew the nightmare was limited to four years. I had to do it. Even at the risk that you would never love me again. Your life, your integrity, was worth all my pain."  
"Oh, Alexander, my beautiful, selfless Alexander..." Magnus cupped Alec's cheek with the hand that didn't hold Alec's. He leaned in and kissed him. Four years of longing and pain lay in this kiss.  
Alec returned the kiss, deepening it further. His answer was their future. That kiss told Magnus that the nightmare was over, assuring him that things could be all right, promising him he would never leave him alone again.  
Magnus put both hands on Alec's chest and pushed him backwards until Alec's back leaned against the couch. Without interrupting the kiss, he climbed on Alec's lap and straddled him. He put both arms around Alec's neck, burying his fingers in his thick, dark hair.  
Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' waist and pulled him closer. It felt so good. Magnus was still so familiar to him, every touch, every reaction, every sigh and moan. God, he had missed him so much.

Breathless, Alec broke the kiss. "Magnus, wait. Please. I know that my feelings for you have never changed. But still, we should take it slow."  
Magnus' dumbfounded expression was almost ridiculous.  
Alec licked his lips and searched for Magnus's eyes.  
"Go out on a date with me. Please. We get to know each other again. You were so patient with me in high school until I was ready for you, now I'm waiting for you until you're ready for us."  
Magnus shook his head slightly and replied dryly: "Well, actually it was our first year in college and not our last year in high school."  
Alec's outrage was just played. "Do you really want to complain about our former activities in high school?"  
"Definitely not! Otherwise you would never have been able to perfect your blowjob skills that much." Magnus winked.  
Alec threw back his head and laughed. He laughed like he hadn't laughed in the last four years. He wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes and gave Magnus a peck on the nose. Solemnly but incredibly affectionate, he looked at Magnus: "I don't think I can live without you." Slowly, he shook his head.  
Magnus returned his gaze with just as much love. "It seems we always find a way back to each other."  
If a kiss could be promising, it was their kiss.  
Alec knew exactly where he kept the ring. He would do everything in his power for Magnus to wear it next year on his birthday.


	2. Go your own way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first date after four years. Can the hopes they both hold be fulfilled after speaking out, or is there a repeat of their first meeting at Izzy's, which didn't end very promisingly?
> 
>  
> 
> If I could  
> Baby, I'd give you my world  
> Open up  
> Everything's waiting for you
> 
> Go your own way - Fleetwood Mac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, I wanted to leave it at the one chapter, but [ kbl55429 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbl55429) had the idea for this second chapter. So there will be at least another chapter, possibly two.
> 
> A big thank you to [AtowncalledMalec](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtowncalledMalec/pseuds/AtowncalledMalec) for her help, opinion, and suggestions when I got stuck at one point.

Alec stood in the hallway in front of Magnus' loft. For a moment he thought of how nervous and uncertain he was the last time he knocked on Magnus' door. Was that actually just yesterday? So much had changed in the short time. Alec had performed an inner dance of joy when Magnus forgave him. And then the kiss! Alec had been dreaming of Magnus' kisses for four years, at night as well as during the day, because there was nothing else left for him but those dreams.  
Oh god, this kiss. He had almost been lost in that kiss. At the thought of it, his stomach began to tingle again. And now he was standing here, in front of Magnus' door, because they actually had a date. He could hardly believe his luck. And if all went well, which he hoped, he would see him again tomorrow, because Magnus was the host of the upcoming New Year's Eve party. Therefore, they agreed that it would be better  
to go on their second first date before the turn of the year.  
They couldn't go to their formerly common restaurant, as Magnus was now a celebrity and they both preferred not to be followed by paparazzi. Although they didn't intend to keep their relationship secret from the public in the long run, but after four endless years, they would rather spend their first date undisturbed.  
Alec knocked on the door, waiting for Magnus to let him in. The tingling in his stomach was now reduced to excitement and anticipation.  
When Magnus opened the door, Alec stared at him with his mouth open. Magnus laughed and closed Alec's mouth with two fingers, which he pressed against his chin from below.  
"Thank you, darling. You also look very stunning. Are the flowers for me?"  
Alec looked at him confusedly for a moment as if he didn't know what Magnus was talking about. Until he remembered that he had roses in his hand, four red and one white, which were bound together with green, floral accessories.  
"Um, yes, they are for you." Alec held out the flowers to him. With a smile Magnus took it out of his hand and gave him a peck on the mouth.  
"They are beautiful. Thank you, Alexander." He stepped back to let Alec in, who was still standing in the hallway, still staring at him. Magnus in a three-piece suit was a feast for the eyes. His perfect make-up emphasized his expressive eyes and underlined his beauty even more.  
"I just put them in the water and then we can leave." Magnus took a vase out of the sideboard and went with the roses in his hand into the kitchen. When he returned to the living room, Magnus put the vase with the five roses next to his Christmas bouquet. Also this year he had received a bunch of flowers for Christmas, because Alec hadn't canceled the permanent order.  
Magnus took his time to admire Alec's back side extensively before walking over to him to stand next to him, while Alec was looking at a series of photos. As Magnus intertwined her hands together, Alec looked at him sadly.  
"I've missed so much in your life. I know most of the people in these photos, but I don't know the stories these photos remind you of."  
"That's not really severely. We have all the time in the world to create new memories, together, with our friends. And we'll start right now."  
Long ago, Magnus had resigned himself to living his life without Alec. It wasn't the life he always wanted, but he couldn't choose it. That this future was now an opportunity made him so incredibly happy. And that it was possible with his Alexander and not with anyone else made it even more exciting. He felt like waking up from hibernation. It was as if his life was just beginning again. He was recently able to make his own decisions regarding his musical career; the true love of his life has come back to him.  
In the songs that others had written for him, he often had to sing the phrase 'I've got everything you need.' He has always considered this completely wrong, as conceited and cocky. Wasn't it rather that Alec was all he needed? He could only hope it was the other way around, too.

Alec reached out and picked up a photo frame. It was a photograph of the two of them that Alec had given Magnus as a housewarming gift, after they had moved into their first shared apartment.

"You still have it?" Alec was surprised to find it here.  
"I have to admit, at first it was very hard to see it here everyday. But you have been a very important part of most of my life. Despite everything, I couldn't completely rule you out."  
Magnus took the picture frame from Alec and put it back. Reassuring, he squeezed Alec's hand.  
"Come, let's go. I could reserve a table yesterday." He pulled Alec by the hand to the door, took his coat, scarf, and keys.  
Alec parked Izzy's car in front of the building. He opened the car door for Magnus and took off his coat, which he put on the back seat.  
"You have always been a well-educated cavalier."  
That was something he had always missed with his previous boyfriends. He had tried not to consciously compare them to Alec, but to his subconscious, all partners had never been good enough. Something has always bothered him, whether man or woman, which ultimately has always led him to break up this relationship once again.  
Often he was dumped because his partners simply gave up on begging for his love or courting for his attention. Most of the time his work was the main reason for the separation, because he was traveling too often, taking too little time for the relationship. It wasn't clear to them that they were competing with someone who actually played no role in his life anymore, because Magnus never talked about Alec. For Magnus the lover and therefore the relationship wasn't worth fighting for. He hadn't had a chance to fight for Alec's love. Why should he make more effort now, if he longed for something completely different at heart? Or someone else. He could talk himself into the opposite as often as he wanted, and he had done that for years. But if it really was like that, he would never have given Alec the chance to talk to him. Then he would never have forgiven Alec so quickly.

~o~o~o~

There was a certain advantage in being a celebrity if you spontaneously needed a table for a romantic dinner in New York one day before New Year's Eve in a discreet restaurant.  
Even when getting out of the car, Alec kept the car door open for Magnus and helped him put on the coat. "Thank you, Alexander."  
Magnus turned his head back to look at Alec, who was standing behind him. His smile was warm, his eyes affectionate.  
"It's always my pleasure." With his thumb Alec furtively stroked Magnus' hairline at the nape. Magnus shivered, which was not due to the December cold. Alec released the collar of Magnus' coat and walked next to him to the restaurant.  
Gallant, he opened the door and let Magnus enter first. Magnus was kindly greeted with his name by an elegantly dressed lady who led them to their table. There weren't many tables in the restaurant, but they all stood in a way so that cleverly distributed flower arrangements provided some privacy. The food was excellent, the service very accommodating, but in no way intrusive.  
Magnus and Alec have agreed without words not to talk about the unpleasant topics while eating. They had enough material for a lively conversation. They talked about Magnus' own record label and Alec's job in L.A.  
Alec's employers, who had become good friends by now, knew his heart was in NY, and he would never be home in L.A. When he told them that it was time for him to go back, they made him an offer. They had thought about expanding anyway, but hadn't yet decided on the new location. When Alec announced after almost four years of satisfactory cooperation that he wanted to return to the East Coast, the decision was made very quickly. The new branch office would open in NY under Alec's direction. Basically nothing changed in his work, just the location. He had already run the company in L.A., leaving his employers free to work creatively and innovatively without having to deal with the tedious administrative office work.  
Alec would have liked to come back sooner, but the incorporation of his successor took longer than planned. For the most part, because Alec was very thorough and critical about his job and he wanted to be sure that he could leave in good conscience.  
Now he had a free hand to set up the office according to his wishes and hire staff. The actual opening would take place in April.  
"Next week, I'll have to see to it that I find an interior designer who is able to set up several offices and a conference room by mid-March. I still remember how problematic it can be in NY to get good craftsmen who have enough capacity for such a project."  
"I can certainly help you with that, because I know a certain person who has a knack for decor." Magnus winked.  
"Yes, you definitely have." Alec nodded smiling. "Your loft is amazing. I like the way you arranged everything. Your furniture, carpets and curtains are a perfect match."  
"And all you've seen so far was the living room." Magnus smiled cheekily.  
Alec had a suitable answer on his tongue, but it was probably too early for that, their blossoming new relationship is still too fresh. Instead he took a sip of his wine. He drank slowly. For one thing, because he still had to drive and, on the other hand, because he wanted to enjoy Magnus' presence unclouded by alcohol.  
"The wine is delicious. You made a good choice." Alec licked his lips. He noticed that Magnus had followed the movement with his eyes. Only hesitantly his gaze moved from Alec's lips back to his eyes.  
"Thanks, I learned a thing or two about wine."  
"That's nothing compared to the cheap, sweet wine we always bought on Friday evenings for pizza when we were still living in the dorm."  
Magnus nodded in agreement. "Can you still remember the evening when you were so drunk for the first time?"  
Alec laughed. "Yes, I can, of course. You dragged me to some of Ragnar's frat parties. I've never been so mad at you as at the evening, because you refused to sleep with me when we were back in our room."  
"It would have been your first time, I wanted it to be perfect for you." Magnus justified himself.  
"And so it has been, then." Alec ran his finger lightly over Magnus' knuckle. "True, a few days later, but I finally ended up getting you seduced."  
Magnus laughed at Alec's words, he nodded slowly. "That night, you had the toilet more often in your arms than me. So we spent the night in the bathroom."  
"Ah, yes! That evening was awful, and the morning after wasn't much better. But you were so incredibly sweet to me and so caring. My God, I was so obnoxious."  
"You've suffered the entire following day. I've always wondered why you drank so much that night. I didn't knew you like this."  
Alec looked at his plate and pushed his vegetables back and forth with his fork. Magnus knew him too well not to recognize that gesture as what it was.  
"Alec?"  
A deep sigh followed. Alec knew Magnus too well to believe that he could get away with the lie that he couldn't remember any more.  
"I was jealous."  
"Jealous? Why? Who should you be jealous of?" Magnus was visibly irritated.  
"You've been talking to this guy from your class all the time and he hasn't left your side all night, even though I was standing right next to you. I could see that you got along very well."  
If he embarrassed himself by telling Magnus, then he could confess everything. "Besides, you never told me about him. We hadn't slept together at the time and I thought ... well, maybe it wasn't enough for you, what I've given you so far. And this Eli was pretty hot, if you like that type."  
"Eli, I don't know anyone named Eli at all." Magnus considered. "You mean Elias?"  
"What ever. Anyway, I've put two and two together."  
"And came to five as a result. Alec, I don't know how you got the idea, to be honest. I was always only interested in you. I would have waited until the end of our college time and beyond until you were ready to get more intimate with me than we already were."  
The look with which Magnus looked at Alec was open and sincere. Alec didn't doubt his words for a moment. Basically, he hadn't doubted that back then, but still...  
"I know, Magnus. I have no idea what made me so insecure that night. Maybe I just needed that affirmation. That's why I was so desperate to sleep with you."  
"Now I'm twice as happy not to have slept with you."  
Alec looked completely dumbfounded.  
"At that time, I mean. Having sex with you has always been exciting and nothing to compare with anything. That hasn't changed over the years, and believe me, I can make comparisons." Magnus rolled his eyes. "You don't need to smirk so smugly."  
Alec laughed and gestured for Magnus to continue.  
"What I wanted to say is that the reason for having sex that night would have been completely wrong. You would have regretted it, and so would I if I had figured out why you insisted."  
"You're right. But that wasn't clear to me that night. I was jealous, horny by the booze and you didn't want me. At least that's what I can remember. Oh, and the fact that I was glad that you took the duvet to the bathroom and held me."  
A waitress approached their table discretely, filled the wine glasses and asked for their further wishes.  
They ordered two desserts that they wanted to share. The waitress cleared the table and left them alone again.  
Both were silent in thoughts. They drank their wine and simply enjoyed each other's company until the dessert was served.  
Alec tried a spoonful of his plum crumble and rolled his eyes. He turned the spoon around in his mouth and licked it off. Sighing with pleasure, he closed his eyes.  
Magnus watched Alec at that familiar reaction to a good dessert. Of course, Alec had changed over the past four years, but that remained the same. Magnus felt a wave of affection for Alec wash over him. That hadn't changed. His feelings for Alec were still there. It wasn't just lust, desire or love alone. It was the little things and moments with Alexander that Magnus always appreciated, that made him feel an inner warmth, that made him realize how much he loved Alec, not only as a boyfriend or lover, but also as a person, as his best friend and as a faithful companion.  
Alec opened his eyes and smiled when he saw the dreamy look with which Magnus watched him.  
"Do you know that I've written a song about that?" Magnus said bashfully.  
"Indeed?" Alec was surprised. "I didn't know that. I never heard the song, it's not on any of your albums."  
"I've written some songs since the high school, some of them are about you."  
Alec pushed his half of the plum crumble over to Magnus and pulled Magnus' plate over to him with half of Magnus' crêpes suzette.  
He nodded. "Yes, I know. I loved it when you played the guitar and sang them to me. I could have listened to you for whole nights. These are amongst other things my most valuable memories. When I was so depressed that I would have given everything to be with you, then I lay down in my bed, listened to your music on headphones and imagined, your love songs are about us, although I knew that wasn't true. In spite of everything, you were always close to me in that moments. I saw that you hadn't written any music or lyrics. Still, your voice has brought me through many hard days and saved me."  
Magnus smiled, glad to hear that. But then his face became more serious. The thought that Alec had felt miserable for many years also hurt him.  
"I had written so many songs during high school and college that I had hoped to release on Morgenstern Records. But then everything turned out differently than I had planned."  
Magnus paused and took a sip of wine to gather himself.  
"After the breakup, when you disappeared so suddenly, I wrote many songs to process the pain. I knew I would never be able to publish them, but writing was my sanctuary, my solution, my way of dealing with being dumped."  
Alec grabbed Magnus' hand. "Magnus, I'm so sorry I did this to you."  
Magnus twisted his hand in Alec's grip and squeezed it.  
"Actually, I wanted to tell you later, but I will release an album with these songs. It's too early to talk about it. At the moment I have only a rough concept. But you will be the first to hear the finished songs. I would like to call the album 'Alexander' because it reflects my life."  
Since his reunion with Alec, Magnus was so inspired that he had already written several songs in that short amount of time. He already knew which artist should design the CD's cover and booklet and who would edit the video clips.  
"Magnus, I don't know what to say, except that I am deeply honored. I'm surprised you want to give my name to the album after all that I've done to you."  
"You don't have to say anything yet. You decide if you really want me to do this, when you've heard the songs."  
Alec didn't know how he had earned this outstanding man. He was in no way resentful, he had agreed to listen to him, let him explain what happened then. After four years he had forgiven him this awful break up and his shabby behavior. Magnus he was so kind and generous. He had every reason to hate him and yet he named his first own CD after him.  
His feelings threatened to overwhelm Alec. Before he was unable to hold back his tears, he apologized to Magnus and went to the restroom.  
Magnus could read Alec like a book. He knew why he had gotten off the table. As agitated as Alec was at the moment, Magnus didn't want to stay in the restaurant with him. With a wave of his hand he asked for the bill, which was immediately brought to him.

In the restroom, Alec held the insides of his wrists under cold water, caught the stream with his palms, and cooled his heated cheeks.  
He waited until he had calmed down a bit before he returned to the restaurant.  
When the waitress, who had been serving them, wished him 'Have a nice evening', he sensed that Magnus had taken the opportunity to pay the bill. When he reached the table, Magnus was putting away his wallet.  
Alec stopped beside him. "Magnus, I invited you to dinner. Remember, I've asked you out on this date. There is so much I have to make up for. Please let me do that."  
Magnus raised his head and looked at him with a smile. "You can do that on our next date, but now let's just go, okay? I want to go home, with you."  
Alec nodded and grabbed the back of Magnus' chair. He held Magnus' coat so he could slip in and put his own coat over his arm.  
On leaving the restaurant, they said goodbye to the staff.  
When Alec opened the car's door for him, Magnus looked at him searchingly. "If you want, I can drive on the way back."  
"Um, no, that's not necessary. I'm alright. But thanks." Alec smiled. His awkwardness was only noticeable if you knew him well.  
To lighten the mood a little Magnus sought a radio station that played country music. He sang all the songs with a distorted voice and exaggerated gestures.  
Alec laughed. "You don't feel embarrassed at all that you can memorize all the lyrics, right?"  
"Nope!" because the mission 'cheer up Alec' was successfully executed.  
Alec reached out his hand, which Magnus grabbed and intertwined their fingers. He put Alec's hand on his thigh after kissing his knuckles.  
It was almost like before. Once they had a driver's license and could borrow a car from their parents, they took every opportunity to drive out of town, just to go somewhere. When they found a nice spot, they stopped, spread a blanket, and had a good time. Quite often, such a day ended with an extended smooching.

~o~o~o~

When they arrived in front of Magnus' building, he again brought Alec's hand to his lips before releasing it to open the seatbelt.  
Alec put on his coat, walked around Izzy's car, and opened the car's door for Magnus.  
They walked in silence to the entrance of the building where the porter opened the door for them and wished them a nice evening.  
In his mind, Magnus was still in their juvenile, mutual explorations, their cautious first steps. Alec was so adorable in his awkward but no less zealous attempts.  
In the elevator, Magnus leaned his back against the wall, reached into Alec's open coat, hooked his forefingers into the belt loops and pulled him closer. "Will you come in? For a coffee or something?"  
Alec propped his hands to the right and left of Magnus' head against the elevator wall. He stifled a giggle. "Or something?"  
"You can have something else. I have a very good, very old whiskey. I can also offer you a smooth cognac." Magnus ran his thumbs over Alec's sides.  
"Do you want to make me drunk so that I'm willing and docile? You know what effect alcohol has on me."  
"Do I actually have to make you drunk, if I want you to be willing and docile?" How Magnus was batting his eyelashes innocently deserved an Oscar and didn't miss his intended effect on Alec.  
Slowly Alec lowered his head until only a few inches separated their mouths. His voice was only a whisper, his breath a whiff on Magnus' waiting lips.  
"Do you want to get it on a try? You know how we get."  
"Yes ..." Magnus' whispered answer was more of an exhale.  
That was all Alec needed. He kissed Magnus, who willingly pressed against him. Their tongues met, and the all-too-familiar but long-missed warm sense of contentment descended from his stomach to the tips of his toes and rose into his head until he felt dizzy. For this he couldn't only blame the lack of oxygen. Magnus had always had that effect on him. He leaned his forearms against the elevator wall to get even closer to Magnus.  
Magnus pulled his fingers out of Alec's belt loops and wrapped his arms around his waist. He pressed Alec even closer to him. He wanted, no, he needed to feel Alec at his body, every one of his glorious inches.  
Both were so captivated in their greed for each other that they almost didn't hear the 'ping' of the opening elevator door. The ride in the elevator to the penthouse was clearly too short.  
They were breathing heavily as they broke the kiss. Alec leaned his forehead against Magnus'. "So much for the good intention to take it slow."  
"Is that still your wish?"  
Alec considered. He wanted Magnus. There was no doubt about that. Anything else would be a pretty obvious lie. They were too tightly pressed together to credibly assert the opposite. Just as he could sense that Magnus wanted him, so could Magnus feel Alec's covetousness at his groin. But the doubts of truly earning Magnus' forgiveness and the worry of screwing it up again outweighed his current physical desire for a satisfactory climax.  
He wanted more. He wanted everything. He wanted what they had four years ago. He wanted to make every effort. He wanted a future with Magnus. To reach that goal, he couldn't just start where they left off four years ago.  
Alec nodded. "Yes, I think it would be right." He quickly pecked Magnus' lips. He put his hands on Magnus shoulders and let them slide down his arms. He took Magnus' hands in his and pulled him backwards out of the elevator. Magnus grinned and let himself be pulled. There he was again, the little boy who was still hiding inside of Alec.  
"But woe to you, you want to keep me waiting as long as the first time. I don't know if I can muster that much patience again, now that I know what to expect."  
Alec pulled jerkily on Magnus hands until he was back in his arms. Without letting go, Alec folded his arms behind Magnus' back.  
"You won't make it easy for me, will you?"  
"At least not more difficult than it is for me." Magnus replied, winking.  
"We will see." Alec released Magnus' hands and turned him around. Immediately he missed his warmth.  
Magnus understood the clue, unlocked the door, and they entered the heated loft.  
He took off his coat, pulled the scarf through a sleeve and hung him in the wardrobe.  
Alec put his coat and jacket over one of the armchairs and loosened his tie. He watched Magnus mixing a drink.  
"Would you like one, too?" Magnus held up his glass questioningly.  
Alec smiled mischievously. "No better not."  
Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Something else?"  
Alec's eyes sparkled.  
"To drink, I mean, coffee or tea?"  
"A coffee would be wonderful now. Thank you."  
On the way to the kitchen, Magnus went into the bedroom, took off his jacket, which he put on the bed with the tie.  
When he came out of the kitchen with a coffee a few minutes later, Alec was standing in the living room with his arms folded behind his back.  
"I just assumed that you still drink your coffee with milk." He placed the cup next to his glass on the coffee table and sat down on the couch.  
"You still know that?" Alec sat down next to him.  
"For a long time I wanted to forget a lot, but I remember most of it. Until recently a curse, now a blessing."  
Alec took a sip of the hot drink and put the cup back on the saucer. "Hmmm, perfect."  
Magnus smiled at Alec briefly and plucked a nonexistent lint from his pants. "Would you like to tell me about that time? How did you feel? I guess it wasn't easy for you, so alone in a strange city."  
Alec sighed. "No, that wasn't. At least ot always." He took Magnus' hand and held it tight. He needed his soothing presence to tell his part of the story.  
"I landed in L.A. in the middle of the night. I got off the plane with a note in my hand with an address on it and $ 400 in my pocket, which Camille had given me."  
The address turned out to be a small furnished one-bedroom apartment with a tiny kitchenette and an even tinier bathroom. Alec kept silent about how dismal the room was, how lonely and alone he had felt there, not only on the first night.  
"The next day I started looking for a job. The money Camille had given me wouldn't last forever. I didn't want to accept and keep it, but I knew I had no choice in that either."  
He told Magnus that he had worked at a construction site in the morning and then in a café where he had taken over the shift from afternoon to night so he was too busy to think. After work, he was usually too exhausted to ponder.  
One afternoon, by chance, he overheard a conversation with his favorite regulars at the café. He didn't want to eavesdrop on them, it was just that he was just pouring them coffee and couldn't avoid it, because the discussion was a bit heated. He usually kept out of private affairs of his guests. Although L.A. had not made anonymity an art form like New York, and was more open in some things, Alec would rather be involved in nothing at all.  
But since Tessa, Will and Jem had always been very nice to him, never stingy with the tip, and chatted with him each time, mostly on trivial things, he spontaneously decided to interfere in the conversation. The three were in the starting blocks of their joint venture. They were very competent in their respective fields, but completely over strained when it came to running a company. Alec hadn't studied economics for nothing and gave them a simple but valuable tip. They stared at Alec as if he had invented the wheel. They held a brief, wordless conversation, whereupon Tessa made him a job offer.  
Alec had already noticed during their encounters in the café that Tessa, in their threesome, was the one who had to bring her two men back to the real world again and again. None of them had ever tried to hide that Will and Jem were both her men. He had often thought that Magnus would get along with them very well.  
Alec played with the rings on Magnus' fingers.  
"I asked for time to think. After all, I had two jobs that guaranteed me a steady income, but in the end I decided to work for Tessa, Will and Jem and to keep the job in the café for the time being. I haven't studied economics and international business law in order to tarp and plan highways on various construction sites. In the long run that would be a waste of my education. I really wanted to apply my learned knowledge."  
It turned out that this decision was the right one. The company is very successful and has made a profit quickly. After half a year he had to give up the job in the Café.  
Magnus ran his other hand over Alec's shoulder, resting it on his chest. "I'm so glad you found something that filled you and made you happy."  
"My employment for the Spiral Labyrinth has often kept me from getting on the next plane and coming home. That and Camille's updates of your life with which she has always shown me that she hasn't forgotten her threats. She has regularly ensured that I stay well away from you."  
Alec sighed. He took Magnus' hand from his chest, turned it, and kissed the palm. Magnus smiled and squeezed Alec's hand, which lay in his lap.  
"You will like them. I can't wait to introduce you to them. They will come in April when we open the office here. They are very curious about you."  
"You told them about me?" Magnus asked bewildered.  
"I have a photo of us as a lockscreen on my smartphone. Will eventually saw it and asked about you. I wasn't surprised he found you attractive."  
"He thinks I'm attractive?" Magnus tilted his head coquettishly and batted his eyelashes seductively.  
"Too bad for you, Magnus, the man is already taken, even twice."  
"It doesn't bother me at all." Magnus slipped closer to Alec. "Because I'm somehow tied to a gorgeous, amazing, adorable and selfless man." Magnus freed his hands from Alec's and put them around his neck.  
Alec drove along Magnus' arms, over the elbows up to the shoulders and down his back. Through his shirt and vest, he could clearly feel Magnus' muscles.  
"Who is it? Can I meet him? When do you introduce him to me?"  
"Later, darling. All in its time." Magnus put a hand on the back of Alec's head. He just had to apply slight pressure to bring Alec's mouth closer to his own.  
They had said they would take it slow, they both agreed to this. Slow did not mean to do nothing. But slowing down didn't mean doing nothing at all, right? That would surely be a step backwards. So it was alright to kiss, wasn't it? He heard no complaints from Alec. But on the contrary. Alec kissed him back and made these small, quiet sounds that Magnus had always loved. Sounds he couldn't elicit from anyone else, as much as he had tried.  
At some point the position became uncomfortable as they sat side by side on the couch. Magnus dropped back and pulled Alec with him. He felt Alec's weight on him, which aroused him more than many of the attempts made by other lovers.  
Alec was always someone who adapted to every situation and Magnus' movements. As Magnus pulled him along, he shifted to let Magnus pull his leg away from under him.  
Magnus bent his leg, leaned his knee against the back of the couch, and tilted his pelvis.  
Alec stroked up and down the thigh of Magnus' leg, which was still standing on the ground. He put his hand under Magnus' knee, lifted his leg and put it around his waist. Magnus squeezed his heel between Alec's buttocks to pull him closer, to push him a little higher. He tugged on Alec's shirt until he pulled it out of the waistband and slipped his hands under the fabric. Alec's skin was warm and soft over the firm back muscles.  
Alec broke the kiss. He caught Magnus' eyes with a veiled look. His hands brushed over Magnus's temples. "You are so beautiful." Alec spread lots of tiny kisses over Magnus' face, his eyes, his nose, his cheekbones. His open mouth wandered over his jaw and chin. He leaned on his forearms. Slowly he opened the top buttons of Magnus' shirt until he reached the waistcoat. He couldn't let go of Magnus' gaze.  
Magnus was so hypnotized by Alec's eyes that he lay quiet still, only lifting his chest as he breathed. Even when Alec turned his eyes away and watched his finger sliding aside the open shirt, Magnus absorbed Alec's appearance.  
Alec tilted his head. His tongue trailed over Magnus' earlobe and the sensitive spot on his neck, before he sucked at his throat.  
Magnus groaned. He scratched Alec's back with his fingernails, moving his hips, grinding his erection against Alec's, who pressed himself closer to him in response. Magnus' hands went over Alec's ribs, pulling his shirt further out of his pants. His fingers played with every groove. He didn't know where to touch Alec first. His hands huddled between their bodies, his fingers clawing at Alec's chest hair. Magnus couldn't say if the moan that Alec uttered meant pain or pleasure. His own moaning as Alec bit him into the soft spot between his shoulder and neck was a mixture of both. He could feel Alec's wildly throbbing heart under his fingertips.  
Alec slid his hand on Magnus' nape and stroked his short hair against the direction of growth. Magnus remembered that Alec always liked to do that. Magnus lifted his head slightly. Immediately Alec's lips were on his.  
Even after that long time of separation and the other lovers with whom they had shared the bed, any gesture, even the most unconscious, was still not alien to them. Alec has always had the ability to make him forget everything around him. For Magnus, there was nothing to do but feel Alec's welcome weight on his body, feel the tingling sensation on his skin, which caused the touch of Alec's hands, feel the ever brighter blazing fire that his kisses kindled in him. He had the conviction that he had the ability to change the world as long as Alec would never stop kissing him.  
As if by itself, his hands went caressingly over Alec's pecs and abs. They only came to a halt at his belt buckle.  
Gasping heavily, Alec broke the kiss and stopped Magnus' hands from opening his belt. He leaned his forehead against Magnus' and tried to catch his breath.  
Magnus' hands were shaking. He eased Alec's grip, stroking his shoulder blades, neck, and jaw until he nestled his palms at Alec's cheeks.  
Alec opened his eyes as Magnus pushed his head back a bit to look at him. "It's okay."  
Alec took a deep breath and slid down a bit so he could rest his head on Magnus' chest. Magnus wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight, one hand caressing the back of his head.  
"Your heart beats so fast."  
"That's the effect you have on me." Alec could hear that Magnus was smiling.  
Alec stroked Magnus' chest, his shoulder, ran his hand up and down his upper arm. Magnus took his hand from Alec's hair and intertwined their fingers. He kissed Alec's palm and put it on his chest.

So they lay in silence but still content and gave their bodies the opportunity to calm down. As their breathing and heart rate returned to normal, Alec propped himself up on his hands and rose slightly from Magnus.

"Maybe I should go now...?"  
"Maybe you should stay a few more minutes, just so we are able to slow it down." Magnus grabbed Alec's tied and pulled him back down.

They kissed slowly, savouring being so close to each other, feeling each other again. It was unbelievable. Although Alec had always thought he would never forget the feeling of Magnus' lips, his tongue, his teeth at his mouth, it had obviously faded somewhat over the last four years. Now everything was there again, familiar, but also new and exciting. The memory of Magnus' touch didn't do justice to this new kiss. Each brush of their lips brought back old feelings, feelings of home. And yet, it was like discovering new rooms in that home, additions that made him want to keep exploring.  
Oh, what a dangerous thought that was. If Alec didn't want things to escalate very quickly, he should really go now. It took him enormous willpower to break the kiss. He did it slowly, repeatedly placing small pecks on Magnus' lips.  
"Magnus, I should go." He cupped Magnus' face and stroked his cheekbone with his thumb.  
Magnus sighed and nodded briefly, but without letting Alec go. Alec sat up and pulled Magnus into a sitting position. Smiling, he kissed Magnus' pout.  
"We'll meet here tomorrow night and then we'll celebrate our start into a new year, into a life together."  
Magnus eyes shone in a warm glow. "I can hardly wait."  
"That's what I've lived for the past four years. I never gave up hope, even though my expectations were low." Alec grabbed Magnus's hand.  
"Magnus, thanks again for giving me the chance to tell you what happened back then."  
"I needed closure. And frankly, I missed you, despite everything that happened. Izzy warned me that you would be present at the Christmas dinner, so it wasn't totally unexpected, but seeing you so suddenly was ... disturbing. It clearly showed me that I only lied to myself, that I tried to persuade myself that I didn't care about you."  
"I know what you mean, to see you in Izzy's hallway ..."  
Magnus squeezed Alec's hand and stood up. "We still have a lot to talk about, but not tonight, all right?"  
"Agreed." Alec also got up and put on his jacket and coat.  
Magnus accompanied him to the door and hugged him tightly. Slowly, Alec broke away from his embrace. His eyes were so full of confidence and tenderness. "I..."  
Magnus put a finger to his lips and shook his head. Smiling, he stroked Alec's cheek with his knuckles and nodded. "I miss you already."  
"Tomorrow, Magnus. See you tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it."  
The farewell kiss was short, but full of feelings, promises and anticipation.  
"Drive carefully and come home safely."  
"I will. Good night, Magnus. Sleep well!"  
"You also!" Magnus watched Alec until the elevator door closed.  
It wasn't until Magnus got Alec's text message that he had arrived safely at Izzy's that he could relax, undress and take a shower. He went to bed and held his cell phone in his hand. No one would ever know that he stroked over Alec's chat with his finger until he fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my fic. I would also like to thank you for the kudos, bookmarks and your comments, which received the first chapter. I also thank those for reading, who do it silently.
> 
> Anyone who has read several of my fics by now knows that English is not my native language. Therefore as always my request to you: Should you find typos or phrases that sound way too weird, then please tell me. I am always grateful for suggestions for improvement.
> 
> Until next time!
> 
> For suggestions and complaints you can find me at [twitter](https://twitter.com/Imandras) or [tumblr](https://imandras.tumblr.com)
> 
> #SaveShadowhunters ➰  
> #SaveMalec 💞


	3. Say you won't let go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec have found each other again. They get to know each other anew and have an encounter with old acquaintances. Does the memory of the past become a ordeal?
> 
>  
> 
> I'm so in love with you  
> And I hope you know  
> Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold  
> We've come so far my dear  
> Look how we've grown  
> And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old  
> Just say you won't let go  
> Just say you won't let go
> 
> Say you won't let go - James Arthur

Since New Year's Eve, Magnus and Alec had used many opportunities to meet. If they couldn't see each other, they at least called or wrote several text messages throughout the day. 

Alec knew much about Magnus' life. Partly through the rumor mill in the press, but also because the big events had been publicly announced on the Internet, his siblings filled the rest. 

But Magnus didn't know anything about Alec's time in L.A. They had a lot to catch up with. The time and their experiences had changed them both. It was exciting to get to know each other again and rediscover old familiarities or habits. 

Like at college, Magnus played the songs for Alec he was working on to hear his opinion, or Alec sat with him, reading, while Magnus composed. Main thing, they were together.

Recently, Magnus used glasses to read. In Alec's opinion, Magnus was incredibly sexy wearing his glasses. At first Magnus was a little bashful when Alec had seen him with the glasses. But ever since Alec repeatedly pushed them up with his index finger and kissed the tip of his nose, he was no longer embarrassed that his boyfriend saw him wearing his glasses.

Magnus helped Alec with the interior of the office. They chose the colors together and gave the rooms a warm atmosphere. Magnus thought just because that was nothing but a workplace for many, it didn't necessarily have to be ugly. After all, you spend a large part of your productive day there.

Just like the times before Alec came back, they alternately spent game nights or movie nights with Izzy and Simon or Jace and Clary. Unlike in the old days, Magnus was the host along with Alec when it was his turn. Alec had often watched the chef cooking in the café he had worked in and had become quite good at it. He enjoyed cooking for Magnus, his family and friends. 

In the evenings they wanted to spend alone, they usually met at Magnus' loft. Alec didn't have his own flat yet and was still living with Izzy and Simon in their guest room. 

These alone time regularly led to them snogging on the couch and forgetting the movie completely. Each of their kisses was like sinking into an old, beloved sweater. Something cherished and familiar, then finding there was a new pattern to the material.

From time to time it was harder for them to part from each other. The goodbye kisses at the door became longer and their hugs tighter with every farewell. It wouldn't take long before they could no longer restrain their passion for one another, no longer be able to resist each other. 

Alec was lying on the couch behind Magnus, his hand pressing Magnus closer to his chest. Although they were facing the television, both didn't pay attention to the movie, which had been running for half an hour. Alec dug his nose into Magnus' hair. He distributed small kisses from the back of his ear to the crack of his neck. He took a deep breath and inhaled Magnus' familiar scent. His long, slender fingers moved slowly over Magnus' chest, grazing now and then tenderly over his nipples. The touch was absent-minded, with no sexual intent to increase the desire, rather a warm, soothing gesture for both.

"Magnus?"

"Hmhmm?" Magnus's response was more of a pleasant purr. He leaned his head back and rubbed it against Alec's collarbone. 

"I want to tell you something. May I?" Alec's hand came to a halt just below Magnus' pecs. 

Magnus knew immediately what Alec wanted to tell him. Only a few weeks ago he would have stiffened in his embrace and changed the subject with a witty remark. But he had been thinking a lot about Alec and their relationship and what he meant to him. In Alec's arms, he turned on his back. How did he manage to look serious at the same time and yet his wonderful hazel eyes radiated so much warmth and tenderness? 

Magnus first noticed that he wordlessly drowned in that gaze as Alec's mouth rippled slightly. Magnus took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes," he said softly. 

Alec's hand slid from Magnus' chest over his collarbone, up his throat until it cradled Magnus' jaw, his thumb caressing his cheek. 

"I wanted to tell you months ago, the night before New Year's Eve. I know that you were right to interrupt me at that time and prevent me from saying it aloud. Since then, I haven't tried again because I know you can feel it. But now the time has come for me I don't want to be silent anymore. I want to tell you now, as long as I'm still able to think clearly and not just blurt it out in a moment of passion."

Although Magnus did not want to interrupt Alec's admirable speech, he had to chuckle softly. Alec was just too cute when he was serious. 

Alec waited until Magnus had calmed down and he had his full attention again. He loved the mischievous glow in Magnus's eyes, his smile, which he tried to suppress in order to keep the situation appropriately solemn.

He loved him. Every fiber of its existence, every breath, every beat of his heart, was an expression of how deeply involved he was in his own feelings for this unique man he was allowed to hold in his arms here and now. He couldn't let him know how much he loved him, he lacked the right words. But if he didn't tell him right now what he felt for him, he was sure, the amount of his emotions would shatter him. 

"Magnus, I love you!" 

"Alexander, I love you just as much."

Alec knew it, but there was always that nagging little doubt. But to hear it, to actually hear these words out of the mouth of the love of his life, was a very different fulfillment. The soft smile on Alec's face turned into an overjoyed radiance as this long-awaited words seeped into him, through his skin, through his flesh, through his bones, and anchored in his soul.

"Oh God, how much I love you. How much I've been longing to hear that from you, once again. How much it burned my soul to finally be able to tell you."

"Show me." Magnus's hand went to Alec's head and pulled him close. This kiss was one of the most soulful they had ever exchanged. It was sweet, deliberately slow, very tender and so lovingly that Magnus' eyes filled with tears. Exchanging tender kisses over and over again, Alec held Magnus in his embrace, while Magnus stroked Alec's forearm, which held him securely.

It was the loud music at the end of the movie that reminded Alec that it was time for him to go home. Alec was relieved and happy that he could not only hug and kiss Magnus goodbye, but now he was able to confess his love to him as well. He would do it every night from now on when he had to leave, knowing that a goodbye would eventually be unnecessary. Soon he could stay with Magnus. The time was not right yet, but both worked on it. A relationship takes effort. This meant more than just lust and passion, which both certainly didn't lack. 

~o~o~o~

As a thank-you for helping set up the office, Alec invited Magnus into the restaurant where they had their first date before New Year's Eve. They had been there several times in the last two months and were also led to their usual table this time. 

They just placed orders with the waitress and Alec handed her back the menus as Magnus moaned annoyed. 

"Magnus, what's wrong?" Alec asked worriedly.

Magnus jerked his chin to the entrance. He had seen his 'archenemy' come in.

Alec looked in the indicated direction and saw a man coming in, who was led to a distant table. 

"I'm not sure, isn't that...?" Alec looked at Magnus questioningly.

"Johnny Rook, yes he is. I'm glad he didn't notice us.I want to enjoy a carefree evening with you."

"What's the problem with the two of you? I never really understood that." 

"Actually, there is no problem, but Camille thought a rivalry could only benefit the career. His, not mine, mind you."

"I've never read an inappropriate comment from you about him." 

"I always kept very low and never threw some serious shade. But that didn't stop him from doing the opposite. His behavior is meanwhile really annoying. Which is of course supported by Camille."

"Speaking of the devil..."

Because at that moment, Valentin, Jonathan, Sebastian and Camille entered the restaurant. Only Camille noticed Magnus and Alec as she looked around the restaurant as if she wanted to get an overview of her audience. She pursed her lips, her eyes sparkled.

Alec took Magnus' hand, interrupting the brief eye contact. Magnus looked away from Camille and smiled at Alec. "I'm fine. Don't worry. You're with me."

"And that will not change, not once again, I promise!" Alec looked at him with a seriousness that made it impossible for Magnus to avert his eyes. 

"Magnus, I look at you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes. Never again will I leave someone who touches my soul more than my body."

Magnus leaned in to kiss Alec as a soft voice said, "Excuse me, gentlemen." 

The waitress brought the drinks. Embarrassed, Alec looked at her and withdrew his hand from Magnus, so that she could serve their wine glasses. 

Alec shoved his hand across the table again. Magnus placed his own on Alec's palm. He raised his glass for a toast. "To us." 

"To us. If not forever, then at least for eternity." 

"Which one of us is the poet here? May I use that in one of my songs?"

"Oh how very sweet. Do you refresh old memories?" Camille evidently couldn't resist spraying her venom when she saw Magnus and Alec together at a romantic dinner date.

Alec still held Magnus's hand and squeezed it briefly. The calming warmth of Alec's palm made Magnus feel at ease. 

"No, we're just creating new memories, preferably without you. This is a date, so if you had the kindness..." Magnus looked at Camille and raised an eyebrow. 

"But my dear Magnus, I don't want to express anything but my concern. After all, I'm worried about you."

Magnus waved his hand as if to scare away an annoying insect.

"As you can see, I am - we are - doing just fine now. So you can take your unwanted concern and gladly push it somewhere deep..." 

Alec squeezed Magnus' hand a little tighter. Magnus pressed Alec's hand briefly and fell silent. Alec was right. Camille wasn't worth losing his countenance in public.

But Camille didn't give up that easily. With mock dismay, she put a hand on her chest. "Magnus, don't say you didn't learn from the past. How can you date someone who has left you so shamelessly? I remember very well how your poor little heart broke. Don't you anymore? Do you really want to get it on a repeat?" 

"Camille, spare us your jealous attitudes. Magnus and I are together. He wasn't interested in you back then, and certainly not this time." Alec handled his anger well. This woman was to blame for four years of despair, sadness, anger and loneliness. But he didn' t want to give her the satisfaction of showing her even the slightest hint of emotion. 

"Why do you think I'm interested in Magnus? I have a much thicker fish on the hook." Triumphantly, she held up a ostentatious engagement ring. "I am here today to plan the details of my and Jonathan's official engagement party." 

"Here you are, babe." Johnny Rook ran his hand over Camille's small of her back and tightened his grip around her waist to pull her possessively closer. He had appeared unnoticed by all. At this familiar gesture in public, Camille briefly pressed her lips together. She was clearly not thrilled to be interrupted in announcing the news. She didn't appreciate the focus of attention shifting from her to Johnny, who didn't notice any of this. He kissed Camille's cheek before he looked at those present at the table. 

Sullen looked Johnny Rook of Camille to Magnus. "What do you want in a swanky restaurant like this?"

Magnus sighed. "A nice evening to you, too, Johnny. Eloquent as ever, as I see. But to answer your question, I am often here. I appreciate the discretion of this establishment."

Johnny Rook looked at Magnus and Alec's intertwined hands. 

"Yeah, you need that as I see. Didn't know you were a fag and let you be fucked by a guy."

Magnus sighed. He really did not feel like talking about this topic now. Especially not with Johnny. "My private life is exactly what it's called, namely private. It's none of your business."

Johnny snorted contemptuously. "As if you avoid the tabloids." 

"Unlike some others, I have no interest in finding myself in the tabloid on bad photos of how I'm sitting in a cheap dinner with the conquest of the month just for the sake of the public."

Johnny's temper always had a short fuse. Furious, he hurled an "Asshole!" at Magnus.

Alec got up and nodded briefly. "Pleasure, Lightwood." Intentionally misinterpreting the insult as an introducing. 

After Johnny Rook finally understood Alec's remark, his complexion changed very quickly to an unhealthy and blotchy red. 

Magnus grabbed Alec's hand, who then sat down again. 

Camille stood by, watching the spectacle. She looked like a cat that had not only eaten the most popular canary, but was able to lick a large bowl of cream for dessert. She could barely hide how much she enjoyed the animosity. She hoped for a public scandal. 

"I almost wanted to send you a search party. The drinks are served and we would like to order." Valentine stood next to Camille. With a frown he noticed Johnny's hand around her waist. "What's going on here, Camille? Are the two gentlemen bothering you?"

Valentine looked attentively at whose table his future daughter-in-law was standing. He was ready to protect her, instead of Johnny Rook. But when he recognized Magnus, his attitude relaxed. 

"Magnus, right? Nice to see you again. Although I'm retired and my two sons keep all business away from me, but personally, it's a pity that you did not renew your contract with Morgenstern Records."

Magnus sought a polite, or at least friendly, answer. He hadn't escaped Camille's slight snorting, commenting on Valentine's words that his sons would keep everything from him. Magnus was convinced that Camille was doing her best to keep Valentine in the dark. 

But Valentine didn't give him a chance to answer, for he had also recognized Alec, who had accompanied Magnus every time over four years ago when he had negotiated with Valentine. At first Magnus was surprised that he still remembered Alec, but Valentine would never have gotten this far in the business, would never have been so successful, if he had a bad memory for faces or names.

"Why do not you both come to our table and join us? You are invited. We have a very good reason to celebrate."

Magnus just had to look at Alec.

Alec could interpret the look immediately, even if Magnus said nothing and strove for a blank expression. 

"I'm sorry, but we have to decline with thanks." 

If Camille had refrain from the smug grin, Alec might have left it at the simple refusal. "Given the events of the past, this would certainly not be appropriate."

"I don't quite understand..." Valentine was irritated by Alec's remark. 

Johnny was still pissed, but in Valentine's presence he didn't dare say anything derogatory after the invitation to their table.

Camille put her hand on Valentine's arm. "I think you're right. It's time to go back to our table. We came here tonight to plan my engagement and not to..."

Valentine hold his hand up to interrupt Camille's ramblings. He waited for Alec's answer. Even as Camille tightened her grip on Valentine's arm and tried to pull him away, he didn't take his eyes off Alec. 

"Valentine, let them sit here. Don't we have more important, future things to talk about than to listen to boring stories from the past that nobody cares about?"

Valentine pushed Camille's hand off his arm. "I'm interested in what Magnus and Alec have to say."

Alec didn't share Magnus' initial timidity, but answered Valentine quite directly and honestly. He told of the breakup that Camille had forced him to, and that he had to wait four years for the contract to end before he could see Magnus again. 

When Magnus saw that Valentine was listening attentively, without interrupting Alec or questioning what he had said, he told about how he had been treated with at the label.

Valentine was undeterred by Camille's constant attempts to interrupt Magnus and Alec. Of course, Camille denied that he had anything to do with it. 

"Magnus, these are serious accusations that you two are bringing forth here. You shall not joke with something like that."

Camille could barely hide her victory smile from Valentine. "Of course he can't prove that."

Magnus understood her raised eyebrow as a challenge and suggested consulting her fiancé and her two present lovers.

He wasn't sure if Camille really had an affair with Johnny Rook, but the likelihood was very close to judging how familiar Johnny was to her, despite the not so inconspicuous ring. 

Valentine was startled by Magnus' words. "Both present lovers? What are you talking about? I'll solve that. Right now." He cast a not so friendly look at Camille and Johnny, whom he considered one of the lovers. 

"And you two, better do not move away from this table." Even though he was retired, Valentine still had an aura of authority. 

"If you threaten my engagement with Jonathan, Magnus, I swear to you..."

"What, Camille? What, what are you going to do to us this time? You once tore us apart. It will not happen again." Alec was on the verge of getting mad, but he remained calm and controlled. 

"You have maneuvered yourself into this situation. You couldnt resist your petty revenge for events from our school days that you yourself were guilty of. I can't feel sorry for you." Just like Alec, Magnus remained fairly calm and factual in his statement. 

Alec was proud of Magnus because he knew how much strength this confrontation cost him. The constant, reassuring pressure of Alec's hand in his assured him that his boyfriend was with him, that he wasn't t alone in this situation, that he didn't have to deal with this unwanted encounter of their past on his own. 

It was not long before Valentine came back to the table with Jonathan and Sebastian, where Camille and Johnny Rook were still standing. The glances of his two sons were a mixture of curiosity and concern that was replaced by confusion when they saw Magnus and Alec sitting together at a table. 

Valentine asked Magnus and Alec to repeat their accusation.

They didn't necessarily look guilty, but Valentine knew his sons. That they didn't deny any of the incidents at the label regarding Magnus 'career consolidated his belief in Magnus' and Alec's statements. The plan to force Alec to break up with Magnus, however, was Camille's sole work. 

"Since everything seems to be true, which has been told to me this evening, I am inclined to get to the bottom of the other matter." 

A look at Camille stopped her in her attempt to move away from the table. 

"Camille, do you have an affair with Sebastian and Johnny?"

Jonathan drew in a sharp breath and looked from Camille to his startled half-brother, who had the decency to look guilty, to Rook, who displayed a contented grin.

As it turned out, Jonathan didn't know about the affair with Sebastian and Johnny Rook. Of course, it was known to Sebastian that Camille was dating Jonathan, but none of the fact that he had shared Camille with yet another man. Alone Johnny knew about both relationships.

"Is that true, Camille?" Jonathan's eyes were hard and icy. 

Camille reached for him. "What do such trivial bagatelles even mean? The important thing is what connects us both. That's all that counts for me."

"And your bank account." whispered Magnus only audible for Alec, who chuckled softly behind his hand.

Jonathan avoided her touch and and raised his arm defensively. "Never let me see you again."

He turned to his brother. "We'll talk later. Believe me, this will be anything but a pleasure for you. That goes for you too, Rooke."

He turned to leave, but revolved briefly to Camille again. "You're fired."

He left the restaurant with his father. Sebastian hurried after them. 

"Rook, my name is Rook." he shouted after Jonathan.

Upset, Camille turned to Johnny. "I think you haven't quite understood the seriousness of this situation, have you?" 

"Why? It's finally out. I never thought I would be grateful to Bane for anything."

Camille looked at Rook as if he had lost his mind. "For what are you grateful? My engagement just blew up and I lost my job."

"Selfish as always." Alec muttered. "Some things never change." 

"I could never stand that complacent posture of Jonathan. Always acting as if he owned the world. But now I have you all to myself. I don't have to share you with these idiots anymore." He reached around her waist again.

Like Waldorf and Statler, Magnus and Alec didn't hold back on their comments, which Camille and Rook didn't hear in their argument.

Camille withdrew from Johnny's grip: "Hardly... Because those 'idiots' as you call them paid my rent."

"What do you mean by that?" Rook looked at his hand that had just been wrapped around Camille. "Don't you want to be with me anymore?"

"Of course not! Please don't be ridiculous. We were never together. At best, I had my fun with you on those occasions when things went well. That's all."

"You can not be serious!" Rook took a step back. He couldn't t believe what he was hearing. 

Camille laughed at Johnny Rook's face. "What did you think. That I chain myself to you for the rest of your insignificant life?"

Somehow, Magnus almost felt sorry for how Rook was treated by Camille and looked after him thoughtfully as he left the restaurant without another word.

"Excuse me, since the other gentlemen have already left..." A waiter stood next to Camille suddenly, who presented her the bill in a small, chic leather case.

"What is that supposed to be?" Camille looked at the narrow tray the waiter held out to her.

"This is the bill for the drinks ordered at your table." He pushed the small tray a barely perceptible trifle, but nonetheless insistently, in Camille's direction.

With pointed fingers, Camille opened the leather case and glanced at the sum of the bill. 

Magnus and Alec had a feast to watch as Camille's face left all its color. 

"Would you...?" Camille gestured to Magnus.

Alec's gaze was piercing. "Don't you dare!" 

Magnus beamed at Alec. "I didn't intend to."

Camille threw another look at the bill. "I assume that this is an oversight. I can not accept $ 527.50 for drinks that no one drank." 

"Madame, you personally ordered the bottle of Cristal from me, saying you have a reason to celebrate. Of course, you are free to consume the drinks at the table and take the bottle of champagne with you."

"This whole farce is just ridiculous."

"Madam, I must ask you to adjust the volume of your complaint to the well-being of our guests." The addition 'paying' guests hovered in the room unsaid but for everyone understandable.

"You actually let me sit here with the bill?"

"You are not sitting, you are standing. And yes, I intend to. If you would please excuse us now, I think our dinner is about to be served."

Magnus smiled at the waitress who brought two plates and thanked her for the service. Alec ordered more drinks and wished Magnus a good appetite. They clicked with the remaining wine and emptied their glasses.

With a big smile, Alec leaned across the table and whispered loudly: "I've always wanted to know what happens if someone doesn't pay the bill."

The waiter looked towards the front door, briefly raised his hand and beckoned someone from the security. 

"And with that, your question has just answered by itself." Magnus winked at Alec. Alec took Magnus' hand and kissed his knuckles. "You always meet twice."

Both watched as Camille was discreetly but decidedly led out of the restaurant area and taken to the manager's office. 

Content with themselves and the world, they enjoyed the delicious food and the excellent wine in a relaxed atmosphere. They felt good, they felt as carefree as they hadn't felt for a long time.

Especially after the manager came to their table personally to bring them the bottle of Cristal. "Since the bottle is already open it would be a waste not to enjoy it."

After the dessert, they picked a photo from their cell phone gallery, which Magnus posted on Twitter and Instagram with a personal statement. They preferred to make their relationship public by themselves before Camille or Rook could tell any lies to the press. Magnus knew from experience that they had good connections, not just to the press, that they would shamelessly exploit. 

 

 

 

Afterwards, Alec paid the bill and asked the waitress to call them a cab. A bottle of wine and a bottle of cristal were definitely too much to drive.

~o~o~o~

While the driver brought them to Magnus' loft, they talked about an appointment Alec had with a real estate agent, to whom Magnus would escort him at Alec's request. They had already looked at several apartments without Alec having decided on one. It wasn't that he hadn't liked any of them, he just wanted to take a closer look at all the possibilities before making a decision. The reason, of course, wasn't that he could spend time with Magnus this way. Each time he imagined how Magnus would furnish this apartment if he would move in with him there. He silently looked at the apartments, went from room to room, listening to Magnus' suggestions about the furnishings Otherwise, he left the talking and the negotiations with the real estate agent to his boyfriend. He enjoyed the domestic feeling of these apartment tours.

The cab stopped in front of Magnus' apartment building. As always Alec opened the car door for him and lent him his hand when getting out. He linked their fingers and escorted him to the front door, where they were friendly greeted by the doorman. 

Inside the building, Magnus opened the buttons of his coat and loosely wrapped his scarf around his neck. Alec wore his coat open as usual. He often didn't bother to close the coat because he didn't wear it while driving. 

Magnus pressed the button for the elevator, turned to Alec and grabbed his hands. He brought Alec's arms to his back so that he could hug him. Magnus put his arms around Alec's neck and ran a hand through his hair.

"All in all, that was quite a nice evening."

"Do you think so?" Alec nudged his nose against Magnus'. 

"Oh, karma is a bitch." Magnus winked.

Alec chuckled and let Magnus get into the elevator first. "You could say so." 

He leaned his back against the wall of the elevator and pulled Magnus back to him. Magnus put both hands on Alec's chest. Slowly he traced up the lapels of the coat until he touched the skin of Alec's neck with his fingertips. 

"You know, how you handled the situation with Valentine and dealt with Camille and Johnny was incredibly hot!" Magnus' thumbs described small circles on Alec's Pulsepoint.

"Is that so?" Alec lowered his head a little.

"Hmmhmm." Magnus nodded and held his head up.

"If I've learned a thing in the café, then deal with difficult and annoying guests and still remain calm and friendly." 

"I really would have liked to bend you over the table and filled you up so much, so that you would have felt me for at least a week." Magnus layed his hands on Alec's cheeks, his thumbs brushing his cheekbones. They stood so close together, their breath mingling.

"Then why don't you do that now?" Alec question was a whisper. 

Magnus felt his stomach was taking a roller coaster instead of an elevator. He looked at Alec intensely, searching in his calm, earnest eyes for the answer he hoped to hear. "Are you sure? Do you really want that?" 

"Magnus, don't worry. I want that. I wanted that before New Year's Eve, as you know. It would have been too early then, I know that by now. But I think now is the right time."

Magnus sighed softly and pulled Alec's head down the last few millimeters. Their lips met.

Alec granted Magnus' tongue admittance for a kiss without compromise. 

When the 'ping' of the opening elevator door sounded, Alec broke the kiss. "Do you want this, too?"

In response, Magnus pulled him with both hands out of the elevator and they stumbled toward the door of Magnus' loft without interrupting the next kiss.

Alec pushed Magnus against the door and fumbled at the buttons of Magnus' shirt. He released Magnus' mouth only to let his eager lips follow his busy fingers. Every inch of bare skin that was exposed by the open shirt was covered with small kisses. He shoved the shirt aside and sucked on Magnus' nipple. He tightened his grip on his waist as Magnus' knees gave in and refused to serve for a few seconds.

It never occurred to both of them that they were still standing in the hallway in front of Magnus' loft, and that any moment a neighbor might show up. Was it the champagne that made them indifferent to their surroundings or the long-suppressed longing for each other? Did it even matter?

Alec plucked at Magnus' shirt until he pulled it out of the waistband and he felt Magnus' bare back under his fingers. He drove along Magnus' sides and pulled the shirt more and more out of his pants. When he arrived at Magnus' stomach, he opened the last buttons. He switched to the other nipple and gave it the same attention. 

Magnus' hands in his hair, the pressure with which he pressed Alec's head even closer to his chest, made him a little overzealous. Magnus hissed at him and inhaled sharply. Immediately he stopped and looked worriedly at Magnus. "I'm..." 

"Don't dare to apologize. The only thing you should feel sorry for is that you have stopped." Magnus' hands were still buried in Alec's hair and he resisted the urge to push him to the spot where he wanted to feel him again.

Alec ran his thumb over the maltreated nipple, licking it with a flat tongue and blowing cool air over it. 

With a groan, Magnus dropped his head back and hit his door painfully. "Ouch! Maybe we should go into my apartment." 

Alec nodded. And his lips were already back on Magnus'.

Magnus smiled into this kiss. Alec really didn't do things by halves. As if to confirm this thought, Alec pressed even closer to Magnus' body. He could feel Alec's erection at his own hardness, which increased his arousal even further. He noticed that Alec put a hand in the front pocket of his pans and turned his hips out to meet this unexpected but not unwelcome touch. 

Alec's hand brushed Magnus' dick much too fugitive. He let out a frustrated sound as Alec pulled his hand out of his pocket. To feel his boyfriend's hands around his waist now didn't calm him down at all. 

Magnus didn't notice that Alec had pulled the keys out of his pocket until they clattered loudly on the floor. 

"What are you doing?"

"I tried to unlock the door. But kissing you and putting the key in the lock I imagined easier." Alec laughed a little sheepishly.

"I hope your marksmanship hasn't diminished in the bedroom."

Although Alec bent down to pick up the key, Magnus noticed the deep blush that covered Alec's face. He held out the key to Magnus, keeping his eyes on his hand. 

"Then maybe I should let you aim, just to be sure."

Magnus grabbed Alec's shoulders and slid his hands down until he grasped Alec's wrists.

"Anything you want. Everything as you want it." He gently took the key from Alec and unlocked the door. He let Alec enter the warm, comfortable apartment. He took Alec's coat and jacket, hung both on hangers and stowed it next to his own fancy pieces in the wardrobe.

He took off his shoes and waited until Alec did it either. He took Alec by the hand and led him to his bedroom. Alec glanced around the room he had not entered yet. So far, they have always smooch on Magnus' couch. 

He would have identified this bedroom among thousands as Magnus', without having seen it before. Everything in this room reflected Magnus' personality.

Alec's thoughts were interrupted as Magnus raised his arms to remove his cufflinks. He took Alec's watch and put it on the bedside table, too. 

Alec followed each of Magnus' moves. He just stood in front of him, looked at Magnus and let him do as he pleased, as Magnus slowly began to unbutton Alec's shirt. Magnus opened Alec's belt buckle, the button of his slacks. He pulled down the zipper without touching Alec's bulge. 

Alec put his hands on Magnus' shoulders so as not to lose his balance as he helped his boyfriend take off his pants. 

Magnus enjoyed the sight of Alec's muscular chest, his small nipples protruding from the chest hair, the visible abs. He let his gaze wander over this magnificent body. He knelt in front of Alec, his hands slipping along Alec's calves and tugging on his socks. 

It took a moment for Alec to understand the hint and lift his feet one after another for Magnus to take off his socks. He was too distracted by the sensation caused by Magnus' breath at the wet spot on his boxer briefs. 

Alec's mouth went dry. Since they had entered the apartment, they hadn't kissed. Nevertheless, his arousal increased to an immeasurable degree. He never thought it would be so erotic to just stand in his boxer briefs and an open shirt in front of a fully clothed Magnus, who caressed him with his eyes alone. Magnus slipped Alec's shirt off his shoulders and guided him to the bed. Only when Alec was lying on his side, he undressed himself. 

He didn't make a show of it for Alec, but by his natural, elegant movements, this act was a feast for the eyes. Wordlessly, Alec watched as Magnus' garments gradually spread across the floor. Only when Magnus reached for the necklace he wore did Alec softly say: "Don't."

Understanding, Magnus blinked briefly. 

He lay down beside Alec. He didn't look away as his hand found its way from his hip, up the ribs, to Alec's shoulder. His tender fingers found the sensitive spot on Alec's neck. 

Alec shuddered. Alec had often imagined what their first time would be like after such long years. Countless times he dreamed of tearing off Magnus' clothes, of heated, passionate kisses. 

He first noticed that he, too, touched Magnus as his boyfriend closed his eyes and found Alec's lips in a slow, tender kiss.

It wasn't like he had imagined. It was perfect. 

Alec felt like they had been lying side by side for hours, kissing and caressing each other. He was overjoyed. 

Magnus felt Alec's smile at his lips and broke the kiss. Alec's beautiful hazel eyes looked so deep into his. There he found the love he believed he had lost forever. 

Magnus forgot everything around him. He turned Alec on his back and leaned over him. He now kissed Alec with a desire, as two minutes before with tenderness.

He was drunk with lust, not with alcohol.

Alec welcomed Magnus' passion and clung to his shoulders. It didn't bother him that he left his mark when Magnus' kiss became more urgent. He grabbed Magnus' hip and pulled until he was completely on top of him. Alec bent his knees so that Magnus lay between his legs. He wanted him there. He needed him there.

Alec slid his hands under the waistband of Magnus' boxer briefs, grabbed his buttocks and pushed his hips up. 

Even tighter, even closer.

Magnus moved on him, only his pelvis. Alec could feel Magnus' buttocks tense under his hands. 

That almost drove him crazy.

"Magnus..." he groaned hoarsely.

"I'm here ... I'm here, my love." Magnus grabbed Alec's jaw and looked at him. 

Slowly, Alec opened his eyes, veiled with desire. 

"What do you want? What do you need?"

"You! I just need you! Inside of me. Please, Magnus."

Alec's whispering voice got him going. Every time. He never did it on purpose. Magnus didn't even know if Alec was aware of what effect that voice had on him. Alec's hoarse, quiet words went straight into Magnus' guts. And a little bit further down. 

With tender fingertips, Magnus traced the still familiar path from Alec’s jaw to his shoulder, his collarbone. He followed that path across Alec's chest and drew small circles over his left nipple.

"This feels so good."

"For me, too." Magnus kissed and nibbled along the path his fingers had already explored. "You still taste like you used to."

Alec pulled his hands out of Magnus' boxer briefs. He stroked Magnus' back, shoulders, neck and started over again. Each time his touch became firmer, more demanding.

They didn't care if Alec's fingernails in his shoulders made Magnus suck harder on Alec's nipples, or if Alec was carried away by the pleasure that was triggered by Magnus' tongue and teeth. It didn't matter.

Magnus allowed Alec's nipples a little rest. Once more he stroked with his thumbs over the firm knobs and distributed small kisses on Alec's skin until he reached the belly button.

He slid down Alec's body until his movement was stopped by Alec's thigh under his armpits. Alec's soft skin was so seductive. Magnus sucked and nibbled at the delicate skin next to Alec's navel, leaving marks on this pale canvas. Alec's hands were in Magnus's hair, it was all he could reach. Gently, Magnus pushed Alec's knee slightly outwards on the mattress, exposing the vulnerable area in his crotch. His hand traced the inside of Alec's thigh, his tongue was teasing and tickling him, but not where Alec eagerly awaited him. 

So close yet so far.

Every time Magnus mouth moved on, continuing his explorations without touching his cock, he groaned in frustration. 

"Magnus..." 

"Hmmm?" Magnus didn't stop kissing Alec's groin and placing small hickey there. 

"Please stop teasing me." 

Magnus raised his head, leaning on his elbows and looking at Alec. "What do you want? What do you want me to do?"

"I..." Alec took a deep breath. He returned Magnus's gaze. "Can you...?" His heart beat fast and powerful in his chest.

"Anything you want. Everything." Magnus had stopped caressing Alec, waiting for his answer.

"I want your mouth. I want to feel your lips."

Magnus lowered his head and covered the length of Alec's cock with many small kisses until he reached the top.

Alec's cock jerked and rose from the small puddle of precom that had accumulated on his stomach. 

Magnus responded to the invitation and took the glans into his mouth without releasing his hands from Alec's thighs. 

Alec dropped his head on the pillow. He closed his eyes and clung to the head of the bed with both hands. 

Slowly, Magnus slid his mouth down Alec's cock until his tongue could play around with almost the entire length. He used his saliva to make it a bit more comfortable for Alec, bobbing his head and enclosed with his hand what he couldn't take into his mouth. Magnus' lips played with Alec's frenulum, pushing the foreskin back as far as it could go, his thumb pushing lightly over the vein on the underside of Alec's cock. 

"Oh God, Magnus, what are you doing with me?" Every boy could suck his dick. But only Magnus could blow his mind.

Alec tried to stay still. He didn't want to accidentally ram his cock in his boyfriend's throat and choke him. But he worried unnecessarily. Magnus knew his limits and his hand around Alec's cock prevented that. 

Magnus enjoyed giving Alec pleasure. His contented humming sent vibrations all the way to Alec's core. As Alec's legs began to twitch uncontrollably, Magnus slowly let Alec's cock slide out of his mouth. Even though he would have loved to taste Alec on his tongue, he had other plans with his boyfriend. Magnus kissed the beautiful glans one last time and lay down next to Alec. 

Gently, he led his fingertips over Alec's thigh, his hips, and his back. They exchanged loving looks and tender kisses.

Magnus turned and pulled a new bottle of lube out of the bedside drawer. At some point in mid-January, he cleared his nightstand and threw everything away. He knew where his relationship with Alec would go, that it was something serious, that he was once more as deeply and hopelessly in love with him as before. He also wanted to start anew in this regard and make a clean start with Alec. He didn't want to use any old leftovers. Magnus was tested again at about this time. Although Alec always insisted on using a condom, his last test was about 8 months ago, after the last time he had bad sex. (Which wasn't necessarily because of the other guy. His longing for Magnus just kept getting bigger the nearer the end of the four years waiting time came. The fact that he called Magnus' name several times during intercourse wasn't exactly conducive to the fun.)

When Magnus turned back to Alec, Alec palmed his cheek, running his thumb over his cheekbone. He pulled Magnus closer. His kiss spoke of so much, his trust, his love, his pleasure, his lust and desire. 

Slowly he ended the kiss. He turned on his stomach, rested his head on his folded arms, and looked at Magnus, who didn't need more consent. He kept the bottle of lube in his hand to warm the liquid gel. He traced the curve of Alec's spine with his index finger, leaned over Alec's and kissed his lower back. 

"I could caress and kiss you for hours. Somehow I can't get enough of you." Magnus continued his little kisses on Alec's cheeks. 

Alec tense his buttocks and grinned. "Enough foreplay. Come to the point." 

"How did I earn you? I'll come to your point, don't worry." Magnus winked.

Alec wiggled invitingly. "You own my heart and my ass."

Magnus gave a small slap on Alec's ass. "And what an ass that is."

Alec bent his knee and leaned backwards slightly. He watched as Magnus studied the line of his back, his hips, his long thighs. He let his fingers follow his gaze. 

Alec shuddered with anticipation. He pulled his knee up a little further to invite Magnus. 

Magnus opened the bottle of lube and distributed it on his fingers and Alec's entrance. Alec lifted his hips as Magnus slowly slipped a finger through the tight ring of muscles. He couldn't resist kissing and nibbling Alec's buttocks. Alec was so damn tight. Although Alec clearly showed his impatience, Magnus took time to prepare him very thoroughly.

"Magnus, I'm ready. Don't let me wait any longer. I need more. I need you." Alec looked at Magnus over his shoulder. 

Magnus pulled his fingers out of Alec's hot channel. He leaned over his back and kissed Alec deeply. Before Magnus could ask how Alec wanted him, he turned on his back and pulled Magnus on top of him. Alec embraced him tightly with both arms. He needed that intimate moment. He needed to feel Magnus' weight on him now. 

Magnus looked into Alec's eyes and waited for his brief nod, and for releasing his hands from him. Magnus took his own hard cock in his hand and led it to Alec's waiting opening. Carefully, he pushed inside, allowing Alec to get used to being stretched by his cock, which was bigger than his three fingers widening him. Inch by inch he felt Alec's throbbing heat at his manhood. Alec's hands on his butt eagerly pulled him further inside.

Magnus met Alec's eyes. He wanted to share this moment with him, to experience that feeling when he penetrated him.

Alec closed his eyes and put his legs around Magnus' hips as Magnus moved in him, slowly at first, then gradually getting faster, more forceful. He pushed Alec's legs up to his waist, lowered his head, searched Alec's mouth to kiss him. Alec groaned and gasped at his lips. Magnus' cock hit Alec's G-spot with each thrust, his hard abs rubbed Alec's cock between their bodies. 

It was clear to both, they wouldn't last long. Not because they hadn't had sex for months, but because they hadn't slept together for over 4 years. They just wanted to satisfy their lust, their desire for each other. There was still time for exacting positions and tireless sex later. 

Alec's mouth traced a path over Magnus' cheek and his jaw. With his teeth he clinged to the crook of Magnus' neck and shouted his pleasure into his skin. Alec placed both hands against Magnus' chest and pushes him up. His legs tightened around Magnus' waist. He loved this position. He could see where their bodies united as one. He could watch Magnus' magnificent abs moving with each thrust. But above all, he loved this position because the pendant of Magnus' necklace danced on his hairy chest. 

"Alexander..." 

"Let go ... let go." 

And Magnus let go. The sight of utter ecstasy on Magnus' face was enough to make Alec follow. Magnus collapsed on his boyfriend and buried his head in Alec's crook as Alec, completely exhausted, dropped his arms onto the mattress.

He was done. He was spent. 

After a moment, Magnus braced himself on his elbows, rolled off Alec and headed for the bathroom with wobbly legs. He cleaned himself, moistened a washcloth with warm water, and took a small towel. 

Alec was still lying there, spread out on his bed, completely debauched, his irregular breathing hadn't calmed down yet. One leg outstretched, the other angled and tilted to the side, allowed Magnus a delicious view of Alec's body. He followed the traces of their passionate lovemaking with his eyes. Magnus looked at Alec as he lay there, every hickey, every imprint of his teeth and every scratch wrote a map of love that only both of them could read. 

Magnus knew, without having seen it confirmed in the mirror, that he had traces similar to those of Alec. 

He noticed that his sperm seeped like liquid beads from Alec's opening. The small puddle on the bed sheet shimmered like mother-of-pearl. Arousal rose in him again. 

On all fours he crawled across the bed. He ran his hands over the marks, lovingly caressing the damaged skin. 

Magnus stuck his tongue through the still slightly open rosette and bathed in his own release. He took the cloth and washed the last traces of their passion from Alec's body. 

Alec moved with a content and grateful moan. "I missed that so much!"

Magnus crawled to Alec's side and lay down next to him. "What? Sex? You had sex ... in the meantime. "

"Yes. And I'm really not proud of it." Alec turned his head away from Magnus. 

Magnus put his finger under Alec's chin and turned him back. "Alec, it's fine."

"I know. But it always felt like I was cheating on you. I fucked him and then I went home."

"You never stayed there? Or let him spend the night at your place?" Magnus voice was free of any assessment. Four years is a long time, they weren't together back then. 

"No, never. There has never been anyone in my place at all times. I didn't want to have any man in my apartment. Either we were in a motel or we were in the apartment of the one with whom I then slept, but it was never twice with the same guy. I did it and then I left."

Alec could only vaguely remember a few faces and even fewer, if any, names, if he had ever bothered to ask. It wasn't like he wanted to write them on a list for his Christmas cards.

"What did you mean then? What did you miss?" With pure tenderness, Magnus stroked his Alexander a few hairs back, that fell into his face.

"Bottoming. I missed the feeling of being so completely filled." 

"You mean, you only have ..." Surprised, Magnus paused in his movement.

Alec nodded. "Magnus, I couldn't even bare the thought of having anyone other than you inside of me. It all wasn't really edifying anyway, but I couldn't stand that."

Magnus didn't think it possible to fall in love with Alec any more, but he was wrong. However, he gladly accepted this error.

„Alexander?“

„Yes?“

"Less talking now, more action." Magnus' kiss didn't take long to rekindle their passion. "Much more action," he whispered between kisses. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heartfelt thanks go to: [AtowncalledMalec](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtowncalledMalec/pseuds/AtowncalledMalec) and [emmeboo79](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmeboo79) for their help in finding the right words and for their patience with my questions regarding English phrases.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it was not so obvious that Camille was behind Malec's wretched misery, that she took advantage of Alec's love for Magnus to blackmail Alec. Forgive me, I'm still learning. 
> 
> This fic is something else than the fluff and smut I've been writing lately. However, it's still a long way from writing actually angst.  
> At the moment I'm reading the fic of one of my favorite writers. It is gloomy, disturbing, absolutely awesome. I still have about 50 chapters to read and I look forward to each one.  
> As a pisces, I suck up the mood like a dry sponge. It echoes in me and stays with me for a while. 
> 
> I hope you like the fic anyway. Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think.  
> If you find any typos, keep them. 😉
> 
> For suggestions and complaints you can find me at  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/Imandras)  
> or  
> [tumblr](https://imandras.tumblr.com)


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